Archive for December, 2005

Only one wish

The year is coming to an end
And the bad times will vanish

I decided to put it all behind
and think of a new year’s wish

It’s still the old one
It hasn’t been changed

My whole perspective has
And the wish is still the same

The glass will never be diamond
I have finally seen it’s fake

It not fair to always give
And be denied from ever take

The former is a gift
but the glass will eventually hurt

If I can ever change something
I wish I could eliminate

Hatered, misery and selfishness
Pain, manipulation and violence

If you have to offer
Offer your very best

When things are going fine
Think of all the rest

There will come a day
when you will need someone

You start to look around
And you are the only one

We are here for a reason
Strive to be of a value

So it’s a brand new start
It’s a journey we have to continue

Dear god please grant me my wish
I have the strength and persistance

I know I have to earn it
And make a sense of my existence.

Happy New Year!


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Have been down for sometime but thank god things are getting really better, I am relieved. I knew it’s just a bad time that will pass and I just had to be patient till I reach the end of the tunnel then I will be able to see the bright sky again.
So here is an update:
– My mother is fine now, the flu and the cough all gone, thank god.
– My boss will not move, so things will be as stable as they are.
– Heba is getting better, I saw her yesterday, she is still on therapy but she
looks perfectly normal.
– With the help of my dad I bought a new laptop.
– I can manage with my car till next month then will fix it from the bonus.
– Noha is no longer mad at me and we are friends again.
– I have started planning for the feast’s holiday.
– My boss will be off next week so that will give me some space 🙂
– Haven’t yet got any feedback about my annual appraisal but I guess it’s going to be rewarding. (I hope)
When I thought about what has been contributing to my bad mood, I found that there were all minor things, I am a strong person and I have faith so why would I be that gloomy and burry my head in some insignificant problems that will eventually resolve themselves.
God sometimes tests us, and it wasn’t a hard one, so I am thankful and grateful that we are all fine, my family , friends and me so for me things can’t get any better.


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Dear …

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.


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Dear …

My impression on people has been always determined by how I feel. My heart was my only guide, and by the time, I used to find out that my opinion (don’t want to say judgement) was right. except for few times (when lies are involved, I am not good with lies).

But seems, this is no longer works, I guess I am no longer connected to my innerself that the signals do not mean anything to me, I no longer see clear visions, people are vague, things are blurry, facts are messed up…

I don’t know why I am fond of building statues for people without even knowing them well, and when the truth began to be revealed … the statues start to collapse, and the people lose thier existance, the choices are getting fewer, the path gets narrower.

I am not a perfectionist, but unless things are crystal clear, I don’t see them.
How can I trust people, if it is my heart that I can no longer trust.
How can I tell, if what I being told is the truth when I don’t know it.

Words have acquired so many meanings than the ones I used to know. so even speaking the same language will never do me any good, still won’t be understood.

I have few good friends, I can’t have so many , it’s a responsibility and requires devotion, time, feelings and attention. what I can offer can not be taken from the great friends that I already have to be distributed among a larger group. Iwon’t be the same caring and loving friend to them, I won’t be me.

Am I differnent , or .. it’s the people. I feel like an alien as if I don’t belong.
Or that everyone has a role to play, and he is playing it for his own pleasure… so TAKE A BOW , …. “BRAVO”.


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Dear …

Since it’s the end of the year, and end of fiscal year too… people in our department as well as the Finance dept. are getting crazy, including myself.
So it’s not a very good week at work, hope 2006 will be better.

Yesterday, I was counting the minutes, hoping that day ends … as if it’s a nightmare.
I finally went home, ate with my mother then my dad came we sat and laughed, it was a peaceful and pleasant time and then he went back to work and I decided to check my emails.

Suddenly the one who guards our cars at night just came and delivered the news…
The neighbor’s driver while he was trying to park hit my car!
I went to check what happened and I found the guard and the driver standing beside it, making an indifference face…

I yelled at them like I have never done at anyone before, to the extent that I didn’t believe it’s me who is doing that, the guard tried to explain what happened , I didn’t listen, I was still yelling, saying over and over again “ this is carelessness, you have no respect or appreciation for people’s properties…” things like that.

I got into my car, the guard again asked where I am taking it, told him …” you are no longer responsible for this car, don’t ask me about it”

I had no idea where I am going, but I felt better that the hit didn’t affect the motion or performance, it just looks bad, I also realized that I forgot to take any money with me to park in a garage. So I went as far as I could from home , found an empty spot, looked safe to me, so I left it, telling myself “it can’t get any worst”.

I walked all the way to my home, thinking of how furious I was and was that rage already inside me and the accident triggered it or what was wrong with me…

I guess, I was stressed out or may be just unhappy but denying, in order to be the cheerful person that I like to be. but I am tired of playing this role, yes I am not happy, I have problems and I can’t talk to anybody for the time being , thank god… the weekend is approaching, I have some shopping to do, have to attend a wedding on Friday (I don’t want to, but I have to…) that will be more than enough, will turn my mobile off.
Don’t want to sound gloomy, besides this bad mood is contagious, I won’t do that to the people I care for.


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Dear …

It’s strange that no matter how hard it is for me to lose friends, I eventually lose them, or I can say some of them, not just one … some.

Recent incident: happened with Noha, she is now mad at me and she doesn’t talk to me. Although we work at the same company, that was because last Monday when we were supposedly all invited to the cocktail dinner, she asked me “why are you dressed like that” (formal), so I thought she wasn’t invited, andI know she is so sensitive so I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I didn’t answer I tried to change the subject and when she left my office I called Dalia as she was the one who initially told us about the dinner and asked her “how come Noha is not invited, she doesn’t know anything about the dinner”, she answer “no she knows, but she saidshe is not in a mood”…. and till now she is still upset.

Another incident, two years ago, a friend of mine just decided to set me up with her cousin, so
the first impression was ok, but after that we were supposed to meet in an outing with some other friends, I went and I found out that he is a smoker, I know it sounds silly, but it’s a huge problem for me, so I saw him smoking and that was a turn off for me, so after that she called to tell me that it went great and that he is asking about my feedback, I didn’tknow what to say but I couldn’t lie… I tried to communicate it in a nice way and I don’t think I commited a crime … everyone has things that can’t be tolerated, so it’s my thing. and I couldn’t hide it and say I will ask him to quit because I have no right asking him that unless he wanted to … and there were other things that I didn’t complain about on the contrary I tried to be supportive as I truely believe that …

“Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that couts can be counted”

Anyway, she hasn’t talked to me till two weeks ago, I was surprised to find her finally calling me … but she was different. and later on I discovered that she was asking about the vacancies at my company.

last one, happened to me without even knowing the reason, that was Marwa, my friend from college, I believe she is married now, she didn’t invite me to her wedding and she no longer calls or asks about me.

On the other hand I still have dear friends that I do hope to always have…


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Dear …

I am so glad it ‘s finally Thursday and it really started so well, I slept very well and I am dressed in PINK… kind of suits my mood today 🙂

Drove my tiny car, arrived on time before my boss, that doesn’t happen all the time.
Then I received the first email for today from my boss, I was glad it’s just one, sometimes I just find a series of emails just keep hitting my inbox … with different tasks and requests.

Today’s email was a “Thank you “ email for yesterday’s presentation with the feedback he got from the company’s India Region President, that really made my day.

Another thing about today, is that I will be having lunch with my best friend right after we finish work, I haven’t seen her since some while. So it’s a perfect opportunity to TALK.

Best thing about today, “Marsam Al Qal’a” exhibition will start today, my twin sister is participating, so I am really happy for her she is going today as it’s opened for the press and the participants (photographers) and will be opened for the public starting tomorrow.

Although it has been a hectic week, as I had a lot of work to do , specially last Monday and Tuesday working on the presentation, I had to attend a Cocktail Dinner that took place on Monday too it was fun but I went home in a terrible state. But all in all it was different and an enjoyable week.


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