Archive for December 5th, 2005

Dear …

It’s not only me who is a bit different at work than with other people or family, the reason for me is the fear not to be accepted the way I am… so I try to preserve my personality and at the same time work on my problems and solve them, the opposite happens with friends or the close ones , I just be myself, expose my problems and see if they can accept them or not .. it’s like the difference between the hand paintings and the graphic ones, sometimes things look better because they are not perfect… that’s my opinion.

But there were always four barriers that I always have great difficulty going through them :
1- Asking for things or asking for help
2- Responding to an offer and/or a compliment.
3- Expressing verbally how I feel.
4- Choosing/Deciding … I can’t really decide when I have a lot of options, or let’ s say it takes me a lot of time and thinking … that’s so bad.

First challenge: I am aware of the fact that there is only one way to address your need to have something … TALK but that extremely hard, normally I am a direct and straightforward person, but when it comes to asking for something… oh my god I am horrible. The good news is no one has ever let me down before when I needed anything… I very am lucky thank god… it’s just an unjustified fear.

The second ones: the best I could do is to respond but it usually takes me a while to do so… again very weird and it communicates to the other party that I don’t care while I really DO.

As for the third: I believe that actions do talk better than words, but apparent they are never understood. The problem’s scale massively escalates when the feelings are appreciation, love or gratefulness. Although I personally see that words are the least you can give in these cases… they say “Love never claims, it ever gives.” But what can I give… I am clueless.

About the last point, one of my colleagues has been in England and when he returned back, he came to my desk with like five or seven key chains and told me ..pick one.
Nothing can be more simple than that, I looked at them and seriously I couldn’t see any of them .. I don’t know wasn’t I really looking , or it was a lack of concentration… things were blurry all of a sudden. Then to save myself the embarrassment I told him you please choose one for me. Time to look at the bright side, things acquire more value when they are very specifically chosen for you.

Anyways it’s who I am, I am willing for a little change but I know , few things have to still be the same in order to be the same person that I am.



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