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Archive for April, 2006

  • I am becoming my father, since he used to be the one complaining and asking about the daylight saving. That’s what I do this times, the day is messed up and I just can’t adjust. Today I was in the office and I found it 12:15pm. So I went and prayed. I usually pray in the conference room so when I got out… I found H and R asking me what was I praying… then I realized still one hour to go.
  • Due to the holidays we had these past days .. I can no longer tell what day is it. for instance tomorrow is the Labor’s day and we are off. So I am feeling that today is Thursday. In the old movies they used to assess sanity … in a way that they ask what day of the week is today? , so if I was to be judged in that sense I would have been declared crazy 🙂
  • I had this urging need to talk to a friend yesterday, and there was absolutely nobody. One of these friends was probably upset, don’t know why… won’t ask. Even my sister had to attend an event in Zamalek and wasn’t there. So I went out with my mother and since we have already talked about nearly everything (we are very close) … the main issues were the weather and traffic.
  • I have had it from “Paradise Now” I want to see the movie. Will go see it and won’t be waiting for anybody.
  • A strange guy is bugging me calling me on my cell phone and insisting that I am Mye his colleague … I am not answering anymore, hope he gets bored. In return I am missing a lot of calls since my phone is on the silent mode.
  • S and her personal requests are unbelievable. I am even trying to respond in a way that is not rude but at the same time not friendly so she can get the message that it’s not my job but she doesn’t seem to care. Last Thursday I responded to one of these requests via a formal email and I sent it with high performance (that was me trying to be sarcastic about her trivial request). So she read the email and asked me to come over to her office to explain it (She got me 🙂 ).
  • T is leaving the company, I was glad to be invited to the farewell party although I am not going. Whenever anyone leaves the company I just begin to worry that it’s either my turn to move or otherwise the world will move around me.

  • I wasn’t able to watch the movie despite my efforts 🙂 , we went yesterday to Stars complex and among the six or seven movies there, Paradise now was to be screened at 9 pm or midnight. how annoying :). So we watched “Firewall”.

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If there is something wrong, I wish I could be told about. People makes mistakes… I try not but I am human as well, may be I wasn’t wrong and that was a misunderstanding. Because If I did something wrong I would have recognized it. But I don’t. Why do I have to guess ?!!
I am a very open person and I don’t lie because simply I have always brought up to be a good person so there is nothing that I have ever did that I am not satisfied about. so… if accidentally I said something that might upset you… why don’t you tell me or ask what did I mean.
It’s always as simple as that !

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Just felt I want to think about what I enjoy and I am sure there are still a lot of things that I can consider favorite, but here is what is on the top of my mind in a random order .

Nature
Reading: Qoran and interesting books
Shopping
Family gatherings
Cooking; special attention to the decoration and colors.
Photography and photo editing
Talking and listening; not always
I like everything very clean, neat and organized.
I like the words : sincere, dear, tenderness, faith, honesty.
Watching movies; watching now “you’ve got mail” it’s beautiful, I also love it’s music.
Listening to soft music, favorite instruments: piano and violin in a background.
El Eid prayer; amazing timing and beautiful scene.
Spending time with friends
Walking; specially in the evening or night
Hanging out in open air
Being up all night talking with my friends or family.
Waking up late ; 10 or 11 am
Shampoos, shower jell, detergents, sanitizers and every cleaning aid existing.
Scented candles
Boats, car rides when I am not driving.
Wedding celebrations, I like to see everybody happy.
I would like to have a day wedding myself, with very small number of guest.
Computers and Internet.
I like to be liked … loved and be told.
Fall and Winter.
Making someone’s day; don’t think I have ever done that… just wish to know how.
Buying presents and arranging surprise parties.
Playing with children the way my dad used to play with us; painting and colors.
Feeling and knowing that I am right.
Recalling good memories.
Thinking of tomorrow as a brand new day and a beginning.
Sit in the balcony watching the sun set and sky’s colors.
Eating healthy food with some exceptions, also, coffee, apples (my own way when cooked with cinnamon), cantaloupe and nuts.
Not to let anyone down.

Favorite (best) gift: flowers
Bikes; although I have never been able to safely ride it without accidents.
I like to feel secure.
Like the very normal lifestyle and simplicity; not into extravagance and fancy stuff.
Inviting people over.
I would like to travel to many countries.

People to show the best they are and offer the best they can be with no regrets

The smell of freshly baked home cookies.
SMSs and emails.

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It was this show on TV yesterday ,I don’t even remember its name but it was an attempt to get myself to sleep to get up early for work.
Anyways, there was a girl that has been so pissed of a colleague of hers for a reason and she couldn’t confront him. So she sent him an email and then she told her friend about it so she said “I used the Garamond font as it appeared the most hostile of all”.
I laughed so much because I do that except for the font thing, never thought about it ;). but my aggression is always reflected in the kind of extremely formal language I use, no matter how close the person is to me. I did that a lot let’s see with whom:
– My boss: asking for a raise, another time when I was upset as he talked to me once in a way that I conceived as yelling and that was unacceptable for me and I wrote that in an email.
– With (A), we didn’t seem to understand each other, we were too different. So whenever he used to say something that I don’t agree with or I don’t understand and I don’t have the effort to nag. I used to send him an email. It was funny that after his phone converstaions, I hung up … think a little, I used go directly to the computer and write him an email and sit for days waiting for a reply. (although I didn’t care that much, was jus trying to make it work out but I am now glad it didn’t)
– Today, (N) came to me and told me about a worker in one of our plants who passed away and that they are trying to help his family. So she asked me to see if there is anyone who is willing to share and help.
So here comes the BIGGER problem, I love charity work but there is a phase that I am not comfortable with; asking for money. I know it’s not for me but it’s just hard.
When I was young , I didn’t use to ask my parents for money. I was always trying to manage with my allowance. To the extent that they were always concerned about me as they know if I need money I won’t ask them. My mom used to put extra money in my drawer to ensure that no shortage will be experienced 🙂 .
So after some thinking; I sent them an email and they came and participated.
I think I am clear now why I have a blog. Yes I am talkative but there are things that I have to put in writing.

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Egypt blasts
I can never express how sad and Scared I am , I can’t even cry… I don’t want to touch my phone, I don’t know who was there, It’s an Egyptian holidays and most of the Egyptians are in Sharm, Hurgada, or sadly Dahab. We were supposed to be in Ras Mohamed but we cancelled. Why are they doing that ???. I can’t watch the news.
I felt it after they announced there was a plan to blow up the gas pipes along the ring road, I pass by the ring road everyday in my way home, I was terrified but it just happened elsewhere.
Less than a year, there was Sharm’s misery and now Dahab.
Don’t know what to say ..
“إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون”
Update: the panic is over, so please make do3aa for the victims and pray Salat El 3’a2eb.

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Looking back … there were a lot of things that happened when I really didn’t expect.
I had them not exactly as objectives but as steps that I was planning to take, started going through some obstacles, tried to hold on … started to think it’s not going to happen, thinking od alternative even if I don’t like them but trying to surrender to the easy and available, realize how important my original plan was, feel its importance try again and pray … then BINGO, mission achieved 🙂
College, work, working at a Multinational, …working at the Marketing department.
I understand that there are way bigger and more important achievements. But the concept is the same. Anything happens if you really want it!
If it works with smaller dreams, it will with bigger ones.
The idea of living a fairy tale isn’t realistic for one reason. We make it unrealistic …not because dreams don’t come true. Or what we want is hard to be realized but because we don’t believe it can happen, why don’t we try… and even when trying, yes there will be hardships and we will give things up but this is life … everyone has a share, being willing to take more of something will result in a shortage in another, we can’t have it all.
So patience is required and keep visualizing how it means if we can make it.
I had a colleague who was so frustrated at work, he felt he is stuck and will never move from his place. All of a sudden he found an opening and he applied for it and got accepted. The offer was much better in terms of position, money and privileges.
I went to congratulate him, and to my surprise I thought I was happier than he is. I asked why you aren’t happy. He said “I am afraid”… , I couldn’t help asking “of what” , his answer was really strange, I will go and have the medical check up tomorrow what if I have virus C. it doesn’t have any symptoms…. I told him you know what, it is not what you are afraid of . you are afraid to be happy and live the moment. He said yes I am afraid to be happy, and I can’t help it. I am anticipating that something will go wrong so that when it does it won’t be hard. So I went like ,,, let’s assume that something will go wrong, how long will it last ? definitely not forever, so if you will have a problem that will last a month and before it happens you are worried and don’t stop thinking about how bad can it be, you are just increasing the duration, so you will be feeling bad for two months instead of one… he laughed and said “Qadar Allah wa ma sha2 fa3al”. what a relief ! ,if only we can have it in our minds all the time.
Another thing is that when you get what you want, the problems and hinders won’t stop. In reality, life goes on. We won’t be seeing “The End” written when the best part is realized. There is no guarantee that will live happily ever after but they sure will live and that’s a bless.
Allah is capable of doing anything, bearing in mind that everything is under the control of god, how can’t we expect to get what we want as long as it is good.

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Yesterday was really hectic at work. I was trying my best to leave on time as I was going to meet Rain, Moon and Nerro. That really gave me a push.
Then came the best part of the day. By the time I arrived at the Café the girls were there.
I was so happy to finally meet them in person. they are just like their blogs; Rain is calm, mature and sweet and Moon is active, amusing and has a lovely personality.
I personally didn’t feel that I am meeting them for the first time, we talked about a lot of things and we laughed. The blogs were one of the main subjects and bloggers as well ;).
Hope we can make it again isA.
Many thanks girls.

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I am a messy, sometimes clumsy person myself. but I always do my best to be no trouble for anyone. So I might drop my silverware in a formal dinner, take time to recognize the fish fork … spill something from my plate on the table cloth or me although I try very hard to place the napkin on my lap so I won’t ruin my outfit. But what I drop always finds a way to land on my skirt or pants. So I do irritate myself not anybody else.
But what surprises me based on previous incidents are :
– When someone approaches so much to talk to me: come on people give me a space. And no it’s not ok if it’s a woman.
– When we are having lunch or dinner with a variety of people and all of a sudden someone begins to smoke without even asking. Usually I don’t continue eating and of course I don’t say the real reason when I am asked, I just say “I’m full”.
– Shared plates (salads, appetizers, etc …), are sometimes disastrous; people pick things from the plate using their hands !. Other cases, they use their own fork, the one they are eating with. Some people do that while they know it’s unacceptable and try to cover it by saying lame statements like “ oh yummy” ! or “ God I love it, can’t wait” or “I just can’t stop eating” .
– When someone try to reach for something and leans over the table as if there is a starvation and it’s the only plate in the whole world, sacrificing people whom he might be leaning on, or his tie that is dipped in someone else’s soup.
– There are another kind who loves you to try the food first and stare at you, trying to comprehend from the facial expressions if the food is tasty or not. And sometimes ask if they can try it from your plate before ordering it !.
– Picky eaters : few of my friends are; they really torture the waiters … asking for the impossible and finally nothing is good enough. Some of them are the “extras freaks” (they like extra everything) or the “without freaks” , I do belong to the “without freaks” kind. except that I forget to tell the waiter, and always become surprised by onions or garlic but because of the hard time I know the waiter had. I decide to just eat. I ear onions and garlic but not in public places, I don’t order plates with strong smells.
– Dinning tables are no place to discuss digestion problems. There is another cozy place that everyone can think ALONE about these problems. And if the problem persists he can go to a doctor.
– Last thing, a quiet peaceful or even silent dinner is so much appreciated. Let’s view it like that: talking is the complete opposite of eating (especially big chunks). So there is always a compromise , or you can always alternate a piece of food … then a sentence. It’s not too hard.

Finally that doesn’t happen a lot by the way, but it always happens when it’s not expected.

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Based on an incident that happened last week too, that made me totally uncomfortable. Here is what I think:
Although I don’t like to admit it but I am shy and I am doing my best to hide it especially at work not to be comprehended as lack of communication skills.
But eventually it shows. but in another form… as indifference or as if I don’t care ….because of my deadly attempts to conceal it
When I start feeling that people are getting this impression, I tend to offer more attention to make it up and maintain a balance so they begin to feel as if I am treating them in a special way. So what are the choices … the fake balance is impossible.
I don’t want to seem weird but the other signals don’t stop popping up. The good news is I never behave or say anything inappropriate or irrelevant that may embarrass me but I do something that may be worse… shuuuuuuuuuuuush !, yes that’s what I do and yes I know … how rude. The only exception is when criticized … I speak up other than that, nothing.
So when someone does me a real big favor, I say thanks and stuff but I don’t say enough. When I should reply to a compliment, I just change the subject. When I am mad at someone … I don’t say a word.
I have posted before a post called “words unspoken” and I am still struggling to bring them up to the surface.

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The best thing that happened last week was that Monday was a Holiday (Prophet’s birthday) and I didn’t go to work.
I had pretty busy days after this holiday, but apart from that there was a little time for little chats with friends at work although they were gradually diminishing as a result of the work load we had.
So Tuesday, (A) was back from Dubai, we tried to free ourselves and go to her office to check on her. There were the four of us and the ten minutes we were planning to spend were escalated to thirty. We chatted and laughed and talked about everything .. it was a very personal, girly conversation but it was so much fun.
Wednesday, there were only three of us went to (S)’s office and it was a hectic day. I started talking, (E) said .. please don’t talk about work, talk about anything else. Then (S) said that her knees hurt as if she’s a 100, I realized that I have a headache too that I have to disregard to continue working. so I asked her not to talk about it. so we didn’t find anything to talk about and we went back to our offices.
Thursday, we didn’t meet … we saw each other and said hi and how are you and that was it. I wanted to ask them if they would like to go to the movies or go out but based on the fading conversations we had, thought they might not be interested.
Wanted to ask my other friends but based on the fact that I don’t take any initiatives … I didn’t.
Hope we can recharge ourselves in the weekend so we can carry on.

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The ONE !

Laugh all you want, but it happens. I don’t expect people who haven’t been in an encounter with the person they have been waiting for without even realizing that to believe in such a thing. The strange thing is that, it’s a mutual feeling … and that makes it even more phenomenal.
Fortunate people experienced it and lived happily ever after; other people are just glad they met the one and ask god for a second real chance.
But the concept of THE ONE deepens inside them and now they can never be willing to consider anyone but THE ONE.
I had a girlish talk with a colleague of mine, we were talking about a guy and how decent he is, she suddenly mentioned her fiancé. I felt like there was a kind of comparison that came to her mind as she began to say but my fiancé is very caring and good looking, ….
I told her, even if he is not. The one you choose to live the rest of your life with, in your eyes doesn’t look like anyone else. Hence there can be no comparison.
Don’t you feel that. She said yes but without seeming to feel what I was saying.
So I just thought that people are different, she doesn’t see things the way I do, which is very normal.
Or may be I am still under the spell of believing that there is just one person who for me won’t be like anyone else. The person that I will know once I see… that is not a childish way of thinking. I used to think that since I was 16 and here I am, after 12 years I still feel the same.
And even I tried but I couldn’t give anyone a fair chance. as I couldn’t risk another person’s happiness just to verify if I was right or wrong.
Love is a big responsibility, and god has set the rules and regulations to protect us and made the bond a holly one. So there is nothing wrong with just following our hearts.
Hope people would understand and stop inquiring and urging.

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One of the things that I have learned, is not to always do what you want, sometimes you have to do what others want if that makes them happy. My aunt taught me that and I am very grateful.
A question suddenly arose; what if I didn’t realize how much my action would mean to that particular person. Gave it some thinking and the answer … I have nothing to loose, after all making someone happy is so much worth it.
I myself can be very happy with a very little effort.
I am invited to a dinner tomorrow isA and I really don’t want to go. Politics wise, I have to be there. But I am not that kind anyways so why the heck.
The whole department is going and they think I am going to. Can’t say now I am not gonna. because there will be a lot of : WHYs and you have to and things like that.
I decided to leave it to the last minute and then excuse myself.
I am not sure if that’s right. But if I referred it back to the rule … that I would get out of my comfort zone and be willing to walk an extra mile if it means something to another person other than me. in other words, it’s Wednesday I would like much more to go out with my friends and give myself a break from the work and business conversations.
To be honest, I don’t think it does mean anything to go to that dinner, so case closed … I am not going.

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Memory

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory,
all alone in the moonlight
I can dream of the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every street lamp seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the street lamp sputters
And soon it will be morning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
and I mustn’t give in
When the dawn comes
tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies
Another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me,
it’s so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you’ll touch me,
you’ll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun

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I think I don’t know myself well, I also noticed that people tend to analyze and think about the actions and reactions of others and forget themselves.
Sometimes I get surprises with what I do … thank god that doesn’t happen a lot.
But it’s good to sit every once in a while with oneself and have a thorough review of what went on.
From the tags that we have been passing to each other, it grabbed my attention that not a lot of people dream as much as I do. It’s not a big deal I know. But, seriously I dream a lot. 2,3,4 times a night … different dreams, good ones and bad ones.
It also happens that I wake up and realize, I still have 10 or 15 minutes till it’s 7:30 and decide to sleep again and guess what… I dream.
Apart from that, I always visualize things … as if there are no words for me, the conversation transforms itself automatically to pictures and most of the time they are imaginary ones. If I am invited to a party or dinner for instance in a place that I have never been to. I think about it with some kind of visualizing how it’s gonna be based on similar places that I have been too, things I heard about or just a perception.
And of course most of the times things turn out to be completely different.
Another aspect is the past experiences, that is the most painful thing because they are real. People with photographic memories will feel what I am talking about.
I myself don’t be at any ease when I see old pictures. I just remember things that I am comfortable with the fact that they are not on the top of my mind. So bringing them to the surface saddens me especially the good memories or the people who no longer exist for any reason.
I have some photos that were taken in my final year in college. I don’t really have the courage to look at them. I haven’t seen anyone of whom I thought were friends in years and I don’t know if I will be seeing them again. The distances get farther as the years pass.
Not only the people, the whole phase meant a lot to me at college, the place itself although it wasn’t the best but I loved it, the windows, the stairs, where we used to sit, where we used to eat.
So imagine how it feels to be carrying these albums in my head whenever I go. With the slightest thing to trigger the wonderful visions that I am haunted with. Anyhow, It’s a luxury to be haunted with good memories that I am longing to rather than having bad ones that other people have and want to get away from. I have to admit that.
I am a nostalgic person, that’s for sure and may be that what made me realize that whole subject, it gives people the impression that my life is empty that I am always living in the past but it’s not right. I believe in some years I will be referring to this phase and say “those were the days” 🙂

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Tagged by Ahmad

Thanks Ahmad so much for tagging me and here are my answers:


1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
“because she considers me imotionally immature, and ” The Zahir.

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
ok I yawned.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Frasier, as the TV is on but I am not really paying attention.

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
5:00 PM

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
5:07 PM

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My Mom and sister talking.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Today I had to run some errands and yesterday went shopping.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
TV.

9. What are you wearing?
Training suit.

10. Did you dream last night?
Had a strange dream last night, still remember it.

11. When did you last laugh?
An hour ago.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Cooper plates, wall clock.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Not weird but really breathtaking : The Solar Eclipse.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
Interesting.

15. What is the last film you saw?
On TV: Lord of the rings, Movie theatre : Memoirs of a Geisha.

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A house on the coast, a new car for everyone of us, a land to build a mosque, a yacht and a huge book store to run.

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
My shoes size is 35 (Europe).

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I want it to be greener.

19. Do you like to dance?
Yes

20. George Bush.
No comment.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Nour.

22.Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Mohamed

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I like trvelling but I guess I can’t live abroad.

24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Enter My Paradise. (Cheated it from Ahmad)

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in their journal.
Nerro, Rain, Moon, New Kid.

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