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Archive for April 10th, 2006

Memory

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory,
all alone in the moonlight
I can dream of the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every street lamp seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the street lamp sputters
And soon it will be morning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
and I mustn’t give in
When the dawn comes
tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies
Another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me,
it’s so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you’ll touch me,
you’ll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun

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I think I don’t know myself well, I also noticed that people tend to analyze and think about the actions and reactions of others and forget themselves.
Sometimes I get surprises with what I do … thank god that doesn’t happen a lot.
But it’s good to sit every once in a while with oneself and have a thorough review of what went on.
From the tags that we have been passing to each other, it grabbed my attention that not a lot of people dream as much as I do. It’s not a big deal I know. But, seriously I dream a lot. 2,3,4 times a night … different dreams, good ones and bad ones.
It also happens that I wake up and realize, I still have 10 or 15 minutes till it’s 7:30 and decide to sleep again and guess what… I dream.
Apart from that, I always visualize things … as if there are no words for me, the conversation transforms itself automatically to pictures and most of the time they are imaginary ones. If I am invited to a party or dinner for instance in a place that I have never been to. I think about it with some kind of visualizing how it’s gonna be based on similar places that I have been too, things I heard about or just a perception.
And of course most of the times things turn out to be completely different.
Another aspect is the past experiences, that is the most painful thing because they are real. People with photographic memories will feel what I am talking about.
I myself don’t be at any ease when I see old pictures. I just remember things that I am comfortable with the fact that they are not on the top of my mind. So bringing them to the surface saddens me especially the good memories or the people who no longer exist for any reason.
I have some photos that were taken in my final year in college. I don’t really have the courage to look at them. I haven’t seen anyone of whom I thought were friends in years and I don’t know if I will be seeing them again. The distances get farther as the years pass.
Not only the people, the whole phase meant a lot to me at college, the place itself although it wasn’t the best but I loved it, the windows, the stairs, where we used to sit, where we used to eat.
So imagine how it feels to be carrying these albums in my head whenever I go. With the slightest thing to trigger the wonderful visions that I am haunted with. Anyhow, It’s a luxury to be haunted with good memories that I am longing to rather than having bad ones that other people have and want to get away from. I have to admit that.
I am a nostalgic person, that’s for sure and may be that what made me realize that whole subject, it gives people the impression that my life is empty that I am always living in the past but it’s not right. I believe in some years I will be referring to this phase and say “those were the days” 🙂

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