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Archive for April 14th, 2006

Based on an incident that happened last week too, that made me totally uncomfortable. Here is what I think:
Although I don’t like to admit it but I am shy and I am doing my best to hide it especially at work not to be comprehended as lack of communication skills.
But eventually it shows. but in another form… as indifference or as if I don’t care ….because of my deadly attempts to conceal it
When I start feeling that people are getting this impression, I tend to offer more attention to make it up and maintain a balance so they begin to feel as if I am treating them in a special way. So what are the choices … the fake balance is impossible.
I don’t want to seem weird but the other signals don’t stop popping up. The good news is I never behave or say anything inappropriate or irrelevant that may embarrass me but I do something that may be worse… shuuuuuuuuuuuush !, yes that’s what I do and yes I know … how rude. The only exception is when criticized … I speak up other than that, nothing.
So when someone does me a real big favor, I say thanks and stuff but I don’t say enough. When I should reply to a compliment, I just change the subject. When I am mad at someone … I don’t say a word.
I have posted before a post called “words unspoken” and I am still struggling to bring them up to the surface.

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The best thing that happened last week was that Monday was a Holiday (Prophet’s birthday) and I didn’t go to work.
I had pretty busy days after this holiday, but apart from that there was a little time for little chats with friends at work although they were gradually diminishing as a result of the work load we had.
So Tuesday, (A) was back from Dubai, we tried to free ourselves and go to her office to check on her. There were the four of us and the ten minutes we were planning to spend were escalated to thirty. We chatted and laughed and talked about everything .. it was a very personal, girly conversation but it was so much fun.
Wednesday, there were only three of us went to (S)’s office and it was a hectic day. I started talking, (E) said .. please don’t talk about work, talk about anything else. Then (S) said that her knees hurt as if she’s a 100, I realized that I have a headache too that I have to disregard to continue working. so I asked her not to talk about it. so we didn’t find anything to talk about and we went back to our offices.
Thursday, we didn’t meet … we saw each other and said hi and how are you and that was it. I wanted to ask them if they would like to go to the movies or go out but based on the fading conversations we had, thought they might not be interested.
Wanted to ask my other friends but based on the fact that I don’t take any initiatives … I didn’t.
Hope we can recharge ourselves in the weekend so we can carry on.

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