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Archive for June, 2006

Time is a big illusion, the calculations are not correct … the hour is not 60 minutes, sometimes it’s 10, 30 or eternity.

Getting a thing after asking for it is not worth it.

Showing ones feelings is a courageous act that I can’t do.

“Disappointment doesn’t kill, but rejection kills”…. From a movie

Pride is an extra weight that a proud person can never get off his shoulder.

I quit reading the papers years ago… it’ s a real torture to absorb all the sadness while knowing there is nothing I can do. it’s better not to know than knowing and sit still.

I have a feeling that I am really running out of .. PATIENCE.

The returning visits and hits I found in my blog counter really amaze me, always make me curious … who are these people, why do they visit and never say a word… do they come for me or may be there is a link in my blog they use and never bother reading.

At the farewell party of my ex-boss, he thanked me , I was so moved by that … weird enough, I can’t recall a word. In fact I don’t think I even heard what he said …

In the team building day, I realized how different I am .. tried to pretend that I am comfortable as if I belong. Tried to show them the real me but there was a hinder that I couldn’t get over.

What happens if you have an ample supply of feelings stored for a long time? … it dries.

I always miss the hints, give the impression that I don’t care, then understand when it’s too late.
Spring and summer are not by any mean my favorite times of the year especially in Cairo. I need to travel or blink and find it’s September already.

I can’t claim that I had memories that the sea was part of so how can I explain my obsession with the sea and boats.

Another obsession that I discovered lately thanks to photography … roses.

It’s not impulsiveness that I sometimes to the extreme, it’s passion.

They used to tell us in the exams, start answering the questions you know first…. Now, I don’t have an answer to any of them, from where shall I start?

People go through similar phases and problems; may be that’s what make them feel connected.

Every now and then it’s important to feel the victory of winning … I am thirsty for winning these days.

I keep a distance and build barriers that don’t only block my feelings and thoughts but others’ too. Wish they could smash these barriers … I really can’t do it on my own.

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Memoirs

Aa certain point I felt that there are a lot of things going on that I can’t capture and write about them all.
Now I feel that there is nothing that I can think of and write about …
Strange … huh?

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Empty !

The ship has sailed with no predetermined destination
But an urgency to leave and head to another shore, … another land !
How long will it take? , they said the journey itself is enjoyable.
My worst nightmare was not to be prepared,
Prepared for what ? … didn’t know then.
So I took everything with me to feel secure.
Dreamt of a shore that I have never had a glimpse of.
Couldn’t feel any fear at the beginning.
The sea was calm and the starry nights were enchanting
There were pink shades hanging over everything I see
I could see the mountains from a distance moving as if they are accompanying me.
I began to see something else ….
What is it ? … An island !
As we were getting closer, the wind started to blow.
I got scared a little, took a look at the far island,
Felt better and fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning, had another look … but,
The mountains were no longer seen, they totally vanished
Why did they leave me alone?
And why did they show up in the first place.
Moreover, there wasn’t a trace of an island,
It was just the see and the sky, we were lost in a blue world.
That had no signs, borders or even any other color; only grades of blue.
Couldn’t tell where the sea ends and where the sky begins.
I then knew what I used to see wasn’t yesterday as I thought.
Seems, I totally lost track of time, there has been years.
Looked at other people’s faces and saw them much older,
And saw myself in their eyes getting older as well.
There were some other people on the ship, where did they go?
Where are all my luggage, stuff, dreams, plans and hope … ?
Tried to look for them … asked myself will I still need them.
Found some hope in my soul but there are a lot of things missing.
As if it was leaking and now that I can save the rest,
Still I feel the emptiness.
Didn’t check further…
Decided to keep the faith, and pray to reach the shore someday.
With no dreams … only reality is left.
I am now just wondering … what are left in these luggage?
Is there still anything inside or are they EMPTY?

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Away

I have a great difficulty these days concentrating and thinking… a lot of distraction, thoughts, things going on and I need to find the time to grasp them and reach conclusions.
I will be away from blogging for sometime. Hope to get back with a clearer mind.
Will miss you all my friends.

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