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Archive for August 26th, 2006

Guess I am getting emotional these days after my decision to leave my job to another one. I already wrote my resignation but still I have till the 15th of September.
All of the sudden I am thinking about the goodbyes that I have missed. I don’t hate goodbyes but I guess I wasn’t not brave enough to handle them.
But in all cases they provide a kind of a closure. The hypothetical idea that this goodbye could mean that I will never see this person again hurts. It’s a kind of wound that heals given the time. But the goodbyes that were missed will never heal… they are still open and never had a closure, neither the times nor a distraction will make it better.
All of the sudden, snapshots of my life are flashing in front of my eyes very randomly and very fast.
Our apartment in Alexandria, having coffee with my friends during college time, our school uniform, my five minutes walk down town to reach my office (first job).
The night of the exams, listing to the music show on the radio, night walks on the beach, my eagerness to see M and know that everything will be ok and feel extremely happy, going to the club in the summer, swimming in the pool at night. Attending lectures and laughing in classes. Sneaking out and skipping classes. Waiting for exams results, going for lunch after mid term exams.
I will miss certain things when I leave the company, my friends, our conference calls, going to city starts when our managers aren’t there.
I won’t miss anyone from my department as the ones I used to like already left. Will miss the morning Nescafe that R makes me and puts on my desk before I come just as I like it. OS the lady that prays for me whenever she sees me.
I will miss the feeling that it’s my place and I am known by everybody, to hear good morning from at least 7 people if I decided to go to another department. Meeting my colleagues in the parking lot every morning and telling each other how sleepy we are.
I won’t miss the stress and overload during the AOP and S plan time. But will miss the privilege that I have wonderful friends at work who really love me at work.
I am sure that I am still not aware of everything that I will miss but this is life..
Still I am scared, keep having negative, childish thoughts, what if they didn’t like me, what if they were mean, what if they apologized after I resigned ( there is still no contract). I am anxious and no longer sleep well. Torn between my fear from the unknown and my love to everything I used to “sigh”.

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