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Archive for September, 2006

Many thanks my friends for your valuable opinion and insights, I do think too that Maturity has a lot to do with responsibility…
A highlight from Wikipedia confirmed what we had in mind about responsibility.. .it’s related to actions and their consequences.
So in this sense being mature is not only how we are prepared to anticipate, face and then bare the consequences of what we do. but also it’s being responsible about the ACTION first that will have all these followings.
For me … being understanding is mature, controlling one’s anger is mature, picking the right words at a debate is matue, giving execuses to others is mature, forgiveness is mature, loving someone unconditionally is mature, saying the truth with no fear is mature, standing up for your beliefs is mature, accepting the differences and deal with them is mature (being open and flexible), listening to the oponents point of view and respect it is mature, ….
As for my answer for the question, Am I mature? No … not always, trying to be though. Thinking of the how it feels when an imature act or word is faced from someone and how dissapointing it can be. So that’s what I am afraid of that I can hurt or let someone down beacause of my ignorance of the situation, selfishness or my unwillngness to have some dicipline upon myself.
As for the judging piece, what provoked me to write this post was a judgemental opinion related to maturity, It struck me How anyone can judge another so easily.
Maturity is neither a quality nor is it about age… it’s a measurement, a degree of how do we handle situations.
Finally, we can’t expect us or anyone else to be always mature or always right … it’s against being human.
Don’t know if I am right on what I said or not, it’s just my thoughts about maturity.

I know it is just not the time to ask such a question but I really want to know how people think of that word “Maturity” who is “Mature” and who isn’t.
I won’t start and say what my definition to a “Mature” person is. (Will update this post and add my opinion).
But I will very much appreciate to hear what do you think..
Why would you call yourself or any other person “Mature”, how can you judge, what is the criteria.
BTW, I do believe that there is a child inside every one of us who needs care, tenderness, love, security and protection and yet that doesn’t affect her/his maturity.
Don’t you agree ???

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I know it sounds very old fashioned, historic, silly … but I love written / documented communications and I will confess and say I love “letters”. I am very aware of the fact that the conventional letters I have in mind do no longer exist. And yes I mean those very basic letters sent my mail. I just find them sincere and very heart felt.
I love everything about them… beginning with the sweet word “Dear” till the usual , meaningful words of “yours”, “sincerely” or faithfully”. Will you stop and think of their meanings. Can you imagine what does it mean to say to someone “Yours”. No one ever means it that way, not even myself.
The root of my problem is at some events/ incidents or conversations
when they mean something to me I get overwhelmed with them and stop involuntarily listening, sometimes seeing or existing for a very brief while and come back. It’s funny I missed some beautiful words and times in such a black out. Another reason for this peculiar state is sometimes my shyness. I try to hide it, focus on whether people are looking or not and how to act and miss the real thing going on.
I am a good talker by the way, but when I am not prepared or ready … I really babble like what I am doing now at 2:43 am. I don’t normally talk much, I am not loud but I know what language to use, what words to pick and at the same time maintain my spontaneity. I am the kind of people that likes to think then talk. Can’t just say whatever pops in my mind.
Again what is so special about letter, why not emails. Well, I like the fact that they are very much personalized and unique. The hand writing, the type and color of the papers used, the way they are folded, the envelop, they way they are sent or handed… I am crazy I know.
We are fortunate with technology but the personal magic touch has disappeared for good. I sound like my grandma but as much as I like computers, cars and modernized life style, I do love simplicity and originality.
I am so much influenced by some movies in that post and I would like to mention them… “lake house” about the letters, “You have got mail” … how does it feel to keep checking your mail waiting to have a specific one and “A walk to remember” for other reasons.

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What do I know to anticipate that something will go wrong, try to avoid a person or skip an event. I have learned today that being out there and facing what is meant to be encountered is just much fulfilling and comforting.
Worst case scenario, when things don’t go the way we wished to , we only get to live it once, dump the bitter part of the bad memory/incident, keep the part where the lesson was and just move on. On the contrary, trying to maneuver and escape the piece that is expected to be undesirable will only consume our brains and feelings, the negative assumptions and phobic thoughts will just take over for good as we never get a closure to this subject except that we think it’s over but you never know. It’s a small world and what was avoided can just emerge when it’s least expected not to mention the good unexpected twist that could have been missed.

In short I went to my farewell gathering tonight, it was surprisingly beautiful. Everyone was so nice, warm and concerned. Now I can say there is really no hard feelings, every negative thought I used to have, has totally been wiped off.
I am really so relieved to have the chance to have a wonderful closure. And walk away with such an exhilarating experience.

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Tag: Favorite blogs

As a respond to Tarek’s tag. I want first to affirm that my favorite blogs/bloggers are all here in the right , check my sidebar,,, these blogs are not only enjoyable for me but I am sort of connected to them and inspired by them in so many ways. It’s by no mean a complement… most of these bloggers don’t know me in person and some of them may not know they are linked here.
I would like to categorize the blogs I like with some examples… let’s get started:

Blogs I like to start my day with: Nermeena, Engy, Wonderer, Blue (Lasto Adry), Why … they are funny, outgoing, surprising, and amusing.

Blogs I MUST find a time to read it whenever a new post is published: The Gnostic blogger … my all time favorite blog.
Why… it’s interesting, wonderful writing and amazing topics.

Blogs I admire and respect: Bent Masreya, Zeinobia, Cold Desert and Green Data … there is something in common between Ahmad and Tarek’s blogs… technical posts however Ahmad is having a separate blog for that purpose, another common point their sense of humor.
Why… they are beneficial, decent and you feel they make an effort, dig and search to present something of value. Due salutation:
Ahmad: his daily diary of the war as well as his attitude during the crises.
Tarek: his supportive and mature posts responding to Laila’s campaign.

Enjoyable and indulging blogs: Rain, Me and Jannah ,,,
Why… very classy, emotional and spiritual. I like Psychicwizdom’s ideas too but her blog is more realistic and rational if I may say. But I can amazingly connect with her … sometimes I read her posts and find the exact words I wanted to write about… telepathy may be.

Personal blogs: like Moon
Why… she speaks about herself and her life in a very sincere way and by the time I just appreciated her openness and it became a habit to go check on her by visiting her blog and see how are things going with her.

Occasionally (due to the lack of time): I visit Manal & Alaa I like the idea and I do thank their efforts but I don’t feel at ease because of the language often used by some of the commenter with opposing opinions and some obscene (outrageous) posts. I am not criticizing or judging, I understand and respect the differences between people and backgrounds.

Note: again these names are examples to some broad categories.
To all whom I couldn’t mention …you are already part of my blog, day and life and I am very grateful for letting me share your thoughts.

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Ramadan Memories

It’s not much of a thing, just felt like writing my very simple memories about ramadan in the Egyptian colloquial language. My sweet sister hosted me in her pink blog …Ooooops planet (Sorry Nerro, It’s a planet I know :D)

It’s how I felt them. (here).

Here is Ramadan Gana song for download (thanks to Hossam)

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  • Neither a guarded castle nor a thousand locks can make you feel secure; heart has its own security measures.
  • Possession in love is not a crime, when you need to be captured, captivated and taken away from everything that ever existed and get acquainted to a whole new place that you can feel for the first time that you belong to… will else can matter?
  • You don’t have a story as long as you are not willing to hear what the other side had to say.
  • Tulips are classy and romantic, roses are romantic and sincere.
  • He was picking on a debate; I didn’t comment, remained silent as when he was expecting opposition from the readers. I just wanted to say thanks for being considerate, understanding. It’s enough for me that you wanted to listen (To a blogger whom I am not sure he will read this).
  • No relationship is risk free nor can it be guaranteed.
  • Instead of assuming what can be better for me, just ask.
  • About spontaneity, even the dumb thing I sometimes say are better that saying things I do not really mean.
  • Passion, Passion, Passion… enormous, intense invisible force, it’s radiating, inspiring and contagious.
  • I have never been impressed with people often known as “impressive”, guess I have a different definition.
  • Why do I find it normal when someone tells me that drawing is not his/her hobby and they find it hard when I say reading is not among my hobbies.
    I don’t have the tolerance for long reads, I am kind of analytical… I want to know something I go and search for it in books, internet wherever… it’s for the sake of knowledge not reading itself. I used to study on my own, just get the books, research, summarize and prepare my own notes about it. I remember the first time I read the Alchemist I wanted to do the same thing. Literature for me is a luxury or a treat I give my soul when I need. What is wrong with that?
  • Have you ever wished you have never met a certain person, not because he is a bad one but because he was too good to be true.
  • How will you know if a person is trustworthy if you never give him a chance? This chance can be a test… and no matter what the result will be, at least you have tried.
  • Heard it once on one of the shows that I can’t stand but I liked it “Winners do things losers don’t want to do”.
    I have no problem saying sorry if I was wrong. The hard part is the admission not the apology.

Insignificant thoughts (1), (2), (3), (4)

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What I am about to say is not new, it is said all the time but I felt it immensely in my last day at work…. last Thursday.
Won’t go through this day’s details , really can’t… it was very emotional for me and I don’t want to recall it.
So let’s stick to the basic observation:
Look at us … the fact that we are different from each other enables us to exchange and trade what we have/own to get what we can’t have on our own.
Emotionally, it’s so much different, what you give is what you get, nothing else.
I used to complain and whine about being treated by the people I work with like a machine and not a human being, why are they that cold. And how come people from other departments are warmer and nicer to me. My friends are from other departments. Never thought about the meaning of that and to be honest …was always looking at them, looking at what I am getting and skipping the part of what did I give.
From day one I was keeping distances and building barriers, I was never ever myself with them. There were always me at work and me at the real life… what am I schizophrenic?.
I was always in control, treating them in a very formal way, kinda felt that it’s more professional to act that way. It used to work so well with my superiors. They used to appreciate me for it., but may be I got too far with it..That’s what I have given them till my last day.
On the other hand, I was more friendly with people outside my department… as long as they are not directly impacted from my work, it’s ok to open my heart and be myself.
So there were always two commodities I used to offer: work and care. Work was being rendered to the people I report to. Care and respect to anyone else.
Another factor being shy and not loud may be hindered my feelings to reach everyone.
To cut the long story short, my boss was so nice that day but my pears were acting as if nothing is going on.
I understand that some people are capable of separating their feelings from work. But I personally don’t like such a way so how come I deliberately I act like one.
Custodians, security guards, my very dear friends, and even people I didn’t expect, from the agencies, our company in Dubai, AY … they were so sweet and seemed sad saying goodbye.
It was so overwhelming to have them ask if I am going to change my phone number, urging to stay in touch, saying we will miss you, their wishes and prayers. meant a lot to me… really did.
Believe it or not I left the department so silently, just wrote them an email and disappeared. Have to admit that may be I was harsh again as they are not all that cold. And they were preparing for a farewell dinner for me and another colleague who is leaving too next week but that’s what I did. At night during that day (I) called and asked why did you leave so suddenly, we were surprised I told him it’s because of T and S mainly. He continued I will arrange for a friendlier outing. Felt much more comfortable and learned that chapter’s lesson. Next time I want to receive more attention and care …I just have to give it first.

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