Archive for September, 2006

Happy Birthday Rain

Since my dear friend and the sweet blogger Rain didn’t write about her birthday… I decided to celebrate it here till she is back to blogging, hopefully today 🙂


Wishing you all the joy and happiness that you deserve.


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Kolenya layla

She started to grow up, went to school and a whole new world has opened its arm to show her what’s inside. She decided to go and explore, till she found a guard following her wherever she goes, dictating what she can do and what she can’t, what she can say and what she can’t. Looked at her friends and found other guards just like him standing beside each one of the girls.
But one observation was always there…boys never had guards with them.
She went and asked her parents about the guard, they said he is Mr. Customs and traditions, he is the society’s representative, He is there for your own sake and protection. She asked further more and what about all you have taught me…principles, values and religious learning’s. They replied: we can’t help it; we will be criticized if we fired him. What will people say about us, about you?
She got older, more mature and got accustomed to her life. And somehow saturated with the culture she has brought up in.
Went to a broader world, found different patterns than the ones she used to see; the conservative, guarded girls. The problem is they belonged to the other extreme. She struggled sometime but found a way between this and that, a moderate way, that doesn’t differentiate between guys and girls and doesn’t take social or economical status into consideration. It just knows what is right and what is wrong.
Continued her journey at work, with great passion and enthusiasm, trying to prove herself and grow. The assumptions at the beginning were that she is not good, or solid enough. That was challenging but she said I will do whatever it takes to prove them wrong.
Started to think of the ones she is willing to share her life with. …where he is and how will she know him. She saw different, not so encouraging types, I must say she wasn’t lucky… ranging from the one who is totally irresponsible, to a hesitant, greedy, insensitive, or Mr. I can do better and this type is sadly prevailing.
He thinks since he makes a good living, guys to girls ratio in Egypt is like 1 to 15 (it could be more, don’t know the exact ratio, guessing). So he has to be very picky and very selective. And he forgets that girls are human beings and their feelings have to be respected.
He remains thinking and thinking and have this shortlist of girls and starts examining.
Then to continue the bargain, he takes his family and check the bride’s house, ask how many TV sets they have and how many AC’s and cars they own, stay for hours. (I swear to god it happened), getting into some other financial aspects, causing great discomfort for the girl’s parents, and then just leave for good. Why, no one knows.
And then she has to endure the society’s intervention in her life and curiosity of why she didn’t get married. Why would she marry anyone comes at her door if she doesn’t think he is the right person or she doesn’t have feelings for him… the society? Again Mr. customs and tradition?
If only they know that she is not after the diamond ring (it’s just a rock), or money or the title “Mrs” to please people around her. If only they know she needs care, emotional security and protection. The greatest thing she can offer is love and that’s what she only wants in return. Life is all about sharing and she is willing to build with him a life rather than inherit it.
I saw a movie the other day, the main female character wrote a letter and said “I miss my trees”, the response of the one who loved her was, he went and took the tree off the ground and planted it where she resides. I know it’s fancy stuff.
But that’s all what we all want the tree never the rock , appreciation and support at work and a childhood with no guards other than the parental loving teachings.


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Since I decided to resign and I have been thinking how things will be after that.
I love stability but I invested like five years in my company, indulged to prove that I am good and I am a hard worker.. till I woke up one day and found myself 28 with less friends and single. My life was home, work and absolutely nothing else.
I was raised by a military man (my father) and a headmistress of a school (my mother), imagine the combination. Used to study on my own, never failed at school or collage, never done anything that I regret. The only outing that we were permitted to was the club. The thing is I never moved on… I remained the disciplined girl that is shy and try the hardest to conceal it to look as if I belong to the work environment.
When I first joined the Marketing department. I used to stay up to 9 and 10pm and return home with a great back pain and red eyes from sitting in front of the computer for long hours, loosing weight as a result of having one meal a day. Looking pale and stressed out. Till I decided to leave on time, turn off my cell phone and have some ME time. Actually this ME times was more of family time but since I wasn’t there for them for some time, It was good for me.
From that time and I have revolted against my life style and decided to look for another job that will be less draining. Things got worse after my boss left and it was as if all what I did was in vein. Had to start over with a new boss.
Till I had the opportunity and decided to leave the company and join the bank. I proceeded with telling my boss and HR director, who tried to keep me with some promises that I didn’t trust.
Then after the approval of the resignation, I told less than 10 people and the news flew to the others.
Next week will be my last one and I am already sick of these questions that I am being asked from 9 till 5:30 everyday from different people, even the ones who are not close at all :
When will be your last day? “Why are you leaving the company”. “And where are you going”, “Are you traveling”, How good is your other offer” , “Do they pay well”, “how did you apply”
Another kind of asking the same questions:
“Are you leaving because of anyone here… (Maintaining an eye contact trying to make me confess? “
“How was your meeting with the HR Director, what did he offer you not to leave”
I am a very open person, have really nothing to hide but asking intensely makes me wonder.
I am scared from the change but excited at the same time. Wish me luck.

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It’s only part of being human to screw up, get confused, rise and fall…
God expected us to do so otherwise the promised forgiveness upon repenting wouldn’t have been mentioned.
Each day is a learning experience and one of the learning approaches is “trial and error” method.
Perfectionists (I am confessing I myself am one, but I am really working on it) have this super power of self frustration. They ask themselves for a lot, set high expectations from themselves and in the end nothing they do is ever good enough.
If you want to tease a perfectionist, give him a task and let him compete with another person. I assure you that he will take more time, exert more effort, the result will be fancy but he will get drained. That actually opposes productivity rules.
They miss the fun and enjoyment of doing things occupying their heads with the anticipated result.
Another way of seeking perfection is locking oneself up in a kind of utopia, with a lot of entrance restrictions. Ranging from the fear of an unknown person, assessing him and then give him a pass to enter if nothing goes wrong.
I don’t know if it’s a fear from disappointment or from that person’s flaws. I believe it’s disappointment that scares the most.
Seeking a perfect state in even one tiny aspect in life is not also achievable. Example: if I am intolerant to lying… Is it possible that I will know a person who has never lied? Is it possible that I myself have never lied before? Of course not.
Seeking perfection is all about flaws rejection from oneself or others.
It’s about perception, understanding that imperfection is natural. It’s also very relative… For girls, some of us do conceive men’s tears as sign of weakness. For me, it’s sensitivity and precious feelings that he trusted you with … after all he is a human being. We have to eliminate the judgmental part and be more mature about it. There is nothing more valuable that you can be granted and awarded with than trust.
It takes a great deal of courage to be out there and don’t shy away from our flaws ,faults and feelings .If there is anything that can be enhanced or changed, it would be fine and if not… it’s ok.
Our flaws create a neediness state that calls for support, sympathy and compassion from another person and the interrelationship between them creates warmth and love provided the atmosphere and understanding it will grow.

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I am not a summer person by all means. I do love this month so much may be because of the beautiful memories that I have related to school and college…
I wrote a post a year ago and was surprised that the same feelings are coming back to me.
One good advantage of blogging is keeping track of some events and thoughts.
I got this idea of thinking about what each month represents to me, let’s try it out:
(Warning … it’s very simple and childish 🙂

September: Reminds me of how things were when I was younger … the stationery, school uniform, pack bags, shoes, books, …
October: things get calmer and the day gets shorter … wonderful strolls in the morning.
November: Just wait for it to rain … for me it’s like an official announcement of winter.
December: woolen clothes and boots, I love winter outfits, they are always dressy and I believe I look my best in winter.. .so do most of people, you don’t see sweaty people in the street. Don’t know everything looks classy in winter.
January: gets colder and colder, in Egypt that’s the coldest month of all. It rains more often as well. At night there is nothing better than a family or friends evening watching TV or talking with the heater on, drinking hot chocolate.
Cinnamon rolls or chocolate cake are always very much recommended in such evenings 🙂
February: Still cold with brighter, sunny mornings.
March: It’s for me the complete opposite of September, it announces that the spring is just around the corner … the weather is wild and unpredictable with sand storms.
People complain about the weather, allergies, dust … I noticed that it’s not only my mood is affected but most of people as well.
April: we get used a little to the warmer weather and begin to appreciate that green color taking over and wonderful flowers glowing under the golden rays of the sun.
May: what can I say … I have to like it, My twin sister and I were born in May 🙂
June: Hot June, the day time is getting longer and it’s summer holiday for school students, everywhere is crowded and the traffic becomes horrific.
July: Oh Hotter… one thing you can do to make it better… RUN, seriously traveling to the north coast or Alex becomes a must to take a break and escape from the heat.
August: THE HOTTEST but knowing that September will follow makes it pass. This month is like preparing to hibernate. Whoever haven’t get the chance to travel, he travels as of it’s forbidden to travel to coastal cities after this month.

Apart from this calendar .. there comes Ramadan, at a different timing each year but it deserves a post of its own.

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