Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

I am sorry … you are that sick
I am sorry … I never told you how much I love you
I am sorry … I never thanked you enough for your attention and care
I am sorry … I got busy with work and I spent days without even calling you
I am sorry … you were very near to me when I was young and when I got older I got farther
I am sorry … we all know you are in danger and you don’t
I am sorry … I knew how scared you are and I never said a word, now I am really scared

Please God make her get better and give me a second chance.


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I guess I myself could be a terrorist too … how so? Well, let’s begin with my father
He was a member of a big family, my grandfather was a military man and his brother was a pasha. He had four daughters and six sons including my dad.

On june 5th,1967 Israel attacked Egypt with no prior notification, one of my uncles was in the Egyptian Air force, his plane was targeted during the same year and he was killed.

My dad joined the Military Academy, he then graduated and got the chance to fight in 1973 war against the Israelis.

Does that make my father a terrorist?
He fought because it was his job, because it was a state of defense and to secure the lives we are having now.
It wasn’t to revenge for his brother as he knew he is a martyr (shahid) … it’s an honor to be one and because the martyr’s in Islam is in heaven. (Here and here to develop a better understanding of the term and stop the confusion).

I asked him recently if he had captivated any of the opponent’s army. He said yes … I asked did you hurt them? He said in an angry tone … they have tortured Egyptian captives. I then remembered a report I saw on Jazeera channel. And I knew that we didn’t do the same otherwise where is their report.

Does that make my father a terrorist?
About the captives: Islam has limited killing the captives on the condition that they could cause harm and it has forbidden killing them in case they are women or children.

My father taught us since we were young to pray, fast, love everyone, help everyone, be truthful, honest and be companionate. he said that’s how we should behave as Muslims. He has a beard and goes to the mosque to pray …
Does that make my father a terrorist?

My answer : no my father is not a terrorist, there are misconceptions that has to be explained so that we don’t walk with the feeling that we are suspects just because we are Arabs and Muslims.

You know who are the terrorists : those who kill innocent people without a cause but hatred, thirst for blood … tearing families apart and ripping our hearts off alive.
They give lame excuses to the world … and try to twist the truth. But do you think there can be any excuse for killing children and women, for attacking a hospital, a factory, a school or a shelter at night. aren’t they advanced enough so they can preciously locate their opponents.

The real terrorists are planting in vein their evil seeds in the souls of … those who watch the violent, ruthless acts committed against their families and loved ones and their hearts are being charged and saturated with hate that has once been love to the ones they lost with the overload of enduring the silence of all who know the truth and afraid to say a word and the other force that supports and approves the massacres and just don’t get enough of the innocent people’s misery … what else can make them stop, what else are they waiting for … new words are being taught to children “BOOM BOOM” when they hear the bombing and ask what that is, new scenes of dead bodies are being watched by mothers and little children scattered all around their neighborhood and on the roads. While some other words are disappearing like home, and may be mummy or daddy some of these children will hopefully have a home but being an orphan the other two words have departed for good.

Being a viewer of the daily painful tragedies …watching from a distance. I know from the bottom off my heart that … there is only one thing that we are living to see … peace.

My prayers now for peace.

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  • I am becoming my father, since he used to be the one complaining and asking about the daylight saving. That’s what I do this times, the day is messed up and I just can’t adjust. Today I was in the office and I found it 12:15pm. So I went and prayed. I usually pray in the conference room so when I got out… I found H and R asking me what was I praying… then I realized still one hour to go.
  • Due to the holidays we had these past days .. I can no longer tell what day is it. for instance tomorrow is the Labor’s day and we are off. So I am feeling that today is Thursday. In the old movies they used to assess sanity … in a way that they ask what day of the week is today? , so if I was to be judged in that sense I would have been declared crazy 🙂
  • I had this urging need to talk to a friend yesterday, and there was absolutely nobody. One of these friends was probably upset, don’t know why… won’t ask. Even my sister had to attend an event in Zamalek and wasn’t there. So I went out with my mother and since we have already talked about nearly everything (we are very close) … the main issues were the weather and traffic.
  • I have had it from “Paradise Now” I want to see the movie. Will go see it and won’t be waiting for anybody.
  • A strange guy is bugging me calling me on my cell phone and insisting that I am Mye his colleague … I am not answering anymore, hope he gets bored. In return I am missing a lot of calls since my phone is on the silent mode.
  • S and her personal requests are unbelievable. I am even trying to respond in a way that is not rude but at the same time not friendly so she can get the message that it’s not my job but she doesn’t seem to care. Last Thursday I responded to one of these requests via a formal email and I sent it with high performance (that was me trying to be sarcastic about her trivial request). So she read the email and asked me to come over to her office to explain it (She got me 🙂 ).
  • T is leaving the company, I was glad to be invited to the farewell party although I am not going. Whenever anyone leaves the company I just begin to worry that it’s either my turn to move or otherwise the world will move around me.

  • I wasn’t able to watch the movie despite my efforts 🙂 , we went yesterday to Stars complex and among the six or seven movies there, Paradise now was to be screened at 9 pm or midnight. how annoying :). So we watched “Firewall”.

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Still in love with Friday, although it has become a relaxing rather than a fun day as it used to be. Many years ago , it used to be a family gathering day at granny’s place, it was a small villa and we were about 8 kids including my sister and myself. Two of whom weren’t always there as they were residing in Alex. My dad has been always there as opposed to the rest of the family older members, he used to guide us and play with us, he tried so hard to show us how to ride a bicycle but all the trials have failed. He also used to bring us big sheets of paper, colors, scissors and let us do what comes in our tiny heads (little projects) . He used to sit and watch. it was a kind of competition between all these kids.
There has been something else that we (the girls) were keen about doing but in vein, all the plants in the villa were looked after by granny and she had a Jasmine tree as well as roses and some other kinds of flowers that she has planted herself. But there has been a spot near to a dark room that we used to view as scary that hasn’t been planted. One day we decided to plant it but we thought of exploring this scary room first, it was a small one attached to the villa and the door was made of glass and metal. The room was cluttered and so dusty, we were curious to find out what was stored in there, turned out that there was nothing interesting but large metal rectangular boxes, that we couldn’t recognize but when we asked after that we discovered these used to be my grand father’s luggage many years ago. The grand father that only one of these kids has seen, he passed away before we were born.
Anyways, so we decided to plant the area that leads to the scary room so it looks better. we picked out some flowers with different colors and dug tiny little holes and planted the stems of the flowers and left them with high expectations that by the next Friday they would grow. but there were always this unpleasant, frustrating surprise that we found them dead. We never gave up we kept on trying without complaining but always wondered what went wrong.
I don’t remember when did we stop doing that.
As things began to change, two of the cousins traveled to Saudi and the other two moved out of granny’s house, yes they used to live with her.
We were growing older and Fridays’ became better to be invested in studying, years went by and we finished high school and went to college, the cousins who were in Saudi came back and we decided to gather like the old days, we agreed to meet at the club. As granny has sold the villa and she is living now in an apartment besides she is also old to be hosting this number, we thought it would be a burden.
After spending these years away from each other, we were like different people trying to remember the old days to make a connection while gazing at each other and try to believe that years have passed and it’s another phase of our lives, but we are the same people.
Ever since this day I have seen them in different occasions , I still love and care for them but in another way. They became relatives now more than the friends they used to be. As some other people took over and settled in the friends territory 🙂

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The Journey !


Last Ramadan, I had a discussion with my father concerning performing 3omra together, as several years ago, he used to go every Ramadan and it’s no longer the case due to his business commitments.

He mentioned one of his friends who always goes there by a ferry not a flight.
I imagined how beautiful and soothing it can be, for me … it’s like combining everything that I love in one trip.

It’s a trip which aims at worshiping god, until you get there you have the time to relax, and think about the blesses that god has granted us, as you are on the deck watching the sky and hear the silent sound of the sea, reading Koran, think about yourself, your life, get rid of all the negative feelings and thoughts and get really prepared.

My sister interrupted that talk and said something about these ferries safety … I answered, “they are safe…” besides if something wrong happens for any reason, it’s a good end and isA rewarding.

But the other part of the story that I haven’t seen in that fancy story was the REAL part of it.

Yesterday, I heard the sad news … watched on the TV the scenes and it was heartbreaking.

Again another tragedy in the carelessness play that I hope ends.

The dream I had, suddenly became a nightmare, still I believe that the victims are going to be rewarded isA. No one knows how his/her life is going to end or how it feels. But what if the reward is heaven ???

Initially I thought there were coming back from Pilgrimage, and that’s why I remembered this discussion.

Dear God bless the victims and give their loved ones the patience and faith that they are in a better place isA. Hope to go to this better place too.


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Have been down for sometime but thank god things are getting really better, I am relieved. I knew it’s just a bad time that will pass and I just had to be patient till I reach the end of the tunnel then I will be able to see the bright sky again.
So here is an update:
– My mother is fine now, the flu and the cough all gone, thank god.
– My boss will not move, so things will be as stable as they are.
– Heba is getting better, I saw her yesterday, she is still on therapy but she
looks perfectly normal.
– With the help of my dad I bought a new laptop.
– I can manage with my car till next month then will fix it from the bonus.
– Noha is no longer mad at me and we are friends again.
– I have started planning for the feast’s holiday.
– My boss will be off next week so that will give me some space 🙂
– Haven’t yet got any feedback about my annual appraisal but I guess it’s going to be rewarding. (I hope)
When I thought about what has been contributing to my bad mood, I found that there were all minor things, I am a strong person and I have faith so why would I be that gloomy and burry my head in some insignificant problems that will eventually resolve themselves.
God sometimes tests us, and it wasn’t a hard one, so I am thankful and grateful that we are all fine, my family , friends and me so for me things can’t get any better.


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