Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

My question is: what if this absence is deliberate?

Will one be willing to go through the whole process of … denial, missing, giving excuses, forgiving, swallowing the pride and stretching one’s arm hoping to reach the other’s hand.

Don’t think so, not sure if it’s worth it, not sure if it will be appreciated, not sure if it’s my call, … not me, not now !


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Cheerful mood

There are two Arabic words I truly love” الطمأنينة “and “ السكينة”, they were mentioned in Quran and I think their closest equivalents in English are “Serenity” and “Security”
“ الطمأنينة” in specific was mentioned as a verb “يطمئن” or to “feel secure” and was often associated with “قلب ، قلوب” “heart, hearts”
I don’t recall reading “ سعادة “ happiness, have to check again.

I personally feel happy when I feel safe, when I feel satisfied and warm from inside.
I have that feeling today, may be because my annual leave commences next week, so I am putting work troubles behind and getting ready to enjoy the more fun side of life.

I just feel like a child, I want everybody to be happy, I want to go to the movies cross my legs on the chair, eat pop corn and drink coffee and laugh out loud.
I want to have a speedy ride and listen to loud music.
I want to ride a bike …..na, not gonna happen, I have failed to bike since I was young .
I want to wash my car myself without being chased from “el bawab” saying “ la2 maysa7esh keda ya 2ostaza” as if I am committing a sin. The guy doesn’t understand I have different measures as far as cleaning is concerned.
I want to go shopping.
Want to spend sometime with my friends in an open air café, talk and laugh hysterically.
I want to jog in the morning but again I am not a morning person, there is no way I can get up early in my vacation.

Oh … I am getting carried away, still the list is too big.
I hope that feeling I have to stay in my heart and never leave, want to have a stronger faith and a stronger will.

Confession: there is another reason for my happiness, I am eating chocolate right now 😀

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I am not referring to the movie it’s just the idea itself… “If a person is one “step” away from each person he or she knows and two “steps” away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is no more than six “steps” away from each person on Earth”.

What I mean here is the “FACEBOOK”, it’s the trend now and almost all the blogs have mentioned it. (Have just seen a new post about it at Juka’s blog)

Yesterday I arrived at work and first thing after checking my business emails, was opening it to find that it has been added to the restricted sites. Still I can check it from home although with the classes and all I don’t have that much time.

It’s wonderful sharing instantly with your friends what you are doing, what you like and how the weekend is going …
Another amazing thing… is meeting old colleagues and join their groups, it’s like a dream coming true to get connected to people from the good old days, share with each other our memories and catch up.

But the most apparent and astonishing thing is … “Masr kolaha 3arfa ba3d” !!!
People are connected to each other in a weird way, you just can’t help commenting “from where did these people know each other”, it’s like the perfect example of the six degrees of separation rule.

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I don’t know is it Spring that affects my mood or the mood swings I am experiencing are generated from within.

Over the past days, the weather has been unbelievable erratic to the extent that the fours seasons were very clearly witnessed in just one day.
Which was the case with me too, in one day and for no good reason I am suddenly… happy, nervous, calm, irritated, want to cry, want to scream, very sympathetic, mean, … it’s crazy,,, isn’t it.

Will start my HR classes next month isA and now I am searching for a job in that domain to back up my studies and change my career. Doesn’t seem easy though.

Summer is arriving this year with some old breeze from the 80s, didn’t you notice?
For may be the first time, I feel like I have had enough of coldness and looking forward to summer with all the exaggeration it brings.

Here is a question what comes to your mind when you think summer?
I personally think… vacation, salt water, humid air, the aroma of mango and guava, stylish yet comfortable clothes with shinny colors, tanned skin, melon, cantaloupe and kiwi. Sunny hot weather, night outings, walks and swimming.

Nesrina, back to work!

Update: there is a butterfly in my office, how pretty!

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Thinking of weekends

Since I am alone in the office, the Super Duper Nesrina has finalized all the pending tasks and the boss is not here to add to my to do list . Let’s see what are the personal things to do:
1- The movies has been cancelled today, so the plan will be replaced with another visit to Orman garden to buy my mother the red cactus that she wanted and have some more shots betarkeez not on the fly like last time.
2- Need to do some shopping for summer outfits and shoes.
3- Need to pack winter clothes (hopefully Saturday will be a good day for tawdeeb el dolab).
4- Need to have my eyes checked before starting my studies, …will start in May isA (HR certificate).
Good … not so many things, there is a room for going out and enjoying the long weekend.

About weekends, last Friday we were supposed to go out for coffee, the three of us Engy, Soha and myself, Engy couldn’t make it. So it was just Soha and me.
We went to Beanos Café and sat indoors as it was really hot and dusty that day.
We had our coffee and while looking through the window,… it suddenly began to rain.
We left the café and spent like an hour strolling down El Korba street in the rain, it was amazing. I haven’t walked like that in ages. Although the weather got colder and I wasn’t prepared for it… but it was so much enjoyable.
I bet all Heliopolis residents have memories in El Korba and special appreciation, we kept remembering these memories and laughing ,,,it was great.

I have a feeling that today is Thursday, don’t know why… I am hyperactive, and want to do a lot of things and can’t wait to do them… weird !
May be because I am not busy and has nothing else to think about? fara3′ yani.

Update: new photos (here)

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What are the criteria for success, how can you say you didn’t fail when you actually aren’t moving.
I am not moving, isn’t that failure? When you accomplish something you should supposedly proceed with the next level.
But what does it mean to do things right and often be thanked or appreciated for them and then nothing else happens. It’s not only about work, it’s about everything …
Is it a trade mill, I am walking and sometimes running and when I look around I find myself at the exact same place.
May be I am the one who doesn’t know how to take things to the next level. May be it’s because I like to be offered things rather than asking for them.
Yes I don’t ask for things but it isn’t out of arrogance, it’s just a decision I took based on a history of disappointments.
I have faith and I will remain thankful to god no matter what. After all may be there are good things that I didn’t have but there are bad things that I didn’t experience either. It’s a package in a way, a balanced timely one.
I still need to learn things and above all, I should be more patient.
Recently I am tending to be reactive, doing things without thinking carefully unlike me and then regret and wonder how can I ever fix it.
May be I should let go a little, should be more flexible and give myself a chance.
May be I should do risky things, may be I should find myself another passion to fill the emptiness in my heart… in my soul. May be I need a push…
Soft, encouraging talks aren’t always the remedy, sometimes you need someone to confront you with your flaws and let you see what others see and never told you about. Shake you harshly to let you open your eyes and realize what is going wrong, leave you to think and may be cry…
There is nothing I know for sure… they are all “MAY BE/s”. I am searching for the steps/levels, bored and tired of the flat corridor and want to get out and see the sun.

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6th October City

I joined the banks almost five months ago and I am still trying to adapt, there is something that concerns me for the time being which is the move; the bank’s head quarter will be moved to 6th October City and I don’t know when.
Being a Heliopolis resident who struggles every single day because of the traffic and the long drive to reach Giza and suffers from back pain in the weekends as a result of the long time I spend sitting in the car. All that would make me really worried about the move.

The strange thing is that recently all the job offers I received, the companies were all located in 6th Oct. I used to say no without thinking till I started to believe that all the good companies are located there and I just have to ask if there provide a bus or any decent mean of transportation
There were exactly two offers that I thought about, one of them was a helping offer rather than a job offer and it was from a sweet blogger friend, she knew I was looking for a job so she told me she can talk to the management and ask. That was extremely nice of her. I just feared the distance and I didn’t think I am determined enough to put her in this position then say, sorry I won’t be able to come, it’s too far form me.

Another one was from the Operations Manager of a big company who got my CV from a recruitment agency. He called me yesterday and we agreed to have the interview today, I asked where is the company located, the answer was Beverly Hills – 6th October. (I got disappointed but said ok as he told me there will be a bus from El Thawra street in Heliopolis).

I went to the pick up point but didn’t find the bus, I called a lady that the ops manager gave me her number in case of emergency. It ed turned out that she didn’t know they should have stopped for me.
I called him and he apologized and then asked me if I can make it to Lebanon Sq in Mohandessin as there will be another bus at 9am. I reached Mohandessin at 9:20 so again I missed the ride. He told me that he is already in Mohandessin so that we can meet and I can follow him by my car to 6th October or go with him. I wasn’t comfortable and decided never to consider any offer from a company that I can’t reach on my own.

Anyway, I reached Mohandessin and called him, he asked “how will I know you”, felt awful as if it was a blind date… oufff. Told him I am driving a red Fiat Palio.
I was thinking that I don’t want to follow him to 6th Oct, he might be speedy and I might lose my way at the same time I don’t want to go with a stranger in his car to a place I have never been to.
He came up with an idea to have the interview at a café, I said ok, I didn’t have much of a choice.

The interview went well, but he told me he is not sure about the CEO’s position towards the veil (Hijab). However he doesn’t have a problem at all and he would recommend me. it took about 30 or 40 minutes, then he apologized again for the bus incident and said the usual things “it has been a pleasure ,bla, bla, bla … I will ask the CEO as I told you and in case it didn’t work out, please you have my number … you can call me on friendly basis”.

In my way home, I didn’t know exactly where I was in Mohandessin and since I have a poor or actually zero sense of direction and I always hang out in Heliopolis and Nasr City I found myself in places I have never seen before, (Kobry el sa7el, Rod el Farag, el Mezalat)… thank god I am home safe… Phewwwwwwwwww!

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