Archive for the ‘Memoirs’ Category

I am not referring to the movie it’s just the idea itself… “If a person is one “step” away from each person he or she knows and two “steps” away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is no more than six “steps” away from each person on Earth”.

What I mean here is the “FACEBOOK”, it’s the trend now and almost all the blogs have mentioned it. (Have just seen a new post about it at Juka’s blog)

Yesterday I arrived at work and first thing after checking my business emails, was opening it to find that it has been added to the restricted sites. Still I can check it from home although with the classes and all I don’t have that much time.

It’s wonderful sharing instantly with your friends what you are doing, what you like and how the weekend is going …
Another amazing thing… is meeting old colleagues and join their groups, it’s like a dream coming true to get connected to people from the good old days, share with each other our memories and catch up.

But the most apparent and astonishing thing is … “Masr kolaha 3arfa ba3d” !!!
People are connected to each other in a weird way, you just can’t help commenting “from where did these people know each other”, it’s like the perfect example of the six degrees of separation rule.

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I don’t know is it Spring that affects my mood or the mood swings I am experiencing are generated from within.

Over the past days, the weather has been unbelievable erratic to the extent that the fours seasons were very clearly witnessed in just one day.
Which was the case with me too, in one day and for no good reason I am suddenly… happy, nervous, calm, irritated, want to cry, want to scream, very sympathetic, mean, … it’s crazy,,, isn’t it.

Will start my HR classes next month isA and now I am searching for a job in that domain to back up my studies and change my career. Doesn’t seem easy though.

Summer is arriving this year with some old breeze from the 80s, didn’t you notice?
For may be the first time, I feel like I have had enough of coldness and looking forward to summer with all the exaggeration it brings.

Here is a question what comes to your mind when you think summer?
I personally think… vacation, salt water, humid air, the aroma of mango and guava, stylish yet comfortable clothes with shinny colors, tanned skin, melon, cantaloupe and kiwi. Sunny hot weather, night outings, walks and swimming.

Nesrina, back to work!

Update: there is a butterfly in my office, how pretty!

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As a child I learned about happiness, sadness, fear, changes, life’s ups and downs, differences, money, sickness, love, anger, patience,manners, life and death, …

As a child I learned what missing means, being a daughter of a military man who only had the chance to visit Cairo every 21 days. I couldn’t count the days and couldn’t tell when daddy would be coming the next time. All I knew back then was missing him and missing the bed time stories he used to tell.

I also learned to feel and respect my grand father and uncles whom I have never seen, just knew them from my parents’ stories and their pictures hung on the wall at granny’s place. Learned to be proud of them and be thankful for their strong roots that have made me who I am.

At a certain point I realized that losing is part of winning and fed myself the harsh fact that nothing remains the same.

My very first close friend at school was Jina, one day she came to school and told us that she is immigrating with her family to the US. I went to my mother asking her “what does immigration means”… felt sad but life went on and I managed to make other friends.

Then my aunt decided to go to the US as well… my mom wanted to make it easier for me, so she told me… “you just have to study very well and then I will let you visit her in the summer vacation”. I studied well and the summer passed followed by tens of other summers and I never went there.

I also learned about excelling in class, popularity and being favored by other people, though I have never been any of these. I was just a normal kid, never failed but never excelled, wasn’t so popular but was recognized, can’t tell I was favored but was loved by very special few people… that was a lesson about satisfaction.

I discovered that I can learn things on my own, taught myself how to play Piano … true without a note but I could play.

I used to study by myself, could say what should and what shouldn’t I do.
Learned to ask “why”, and say “no” and “it doesn’t make sense… explain to me”.
Didn’t do home works when I thought it would be a loss of time and used to go to school the next morning and say … “I didn’t do it” without being afraid.

I was a strong child and that what I still am but ironically as we get older we tend to acquire and develop some qualities and skills while ignoring others till they diminish and disperse. And I think what I should regain is the flexibility and tolerance of this whole learning phase as long as it never ends.

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Thinking of weekends

Since I am alone in the office, the Super Duper Nesrina has finalized all the pending tasks and the boss is not here to add to my to do list . Let’s see what are the personal things to do:
1- The movies has been cancelled today, so the plan will be replaced with another visit to Orman garden to buy my mother the red cactus that she wanted and have some more shots betarkeez not on the fly like last time.
2- Need to do some shopping for summer outfits and shoes.
3- Need to pack winter clothes (hopefully Saturday will be a good day for tawdeeb el dolab).
4- Need to have my eyes checked before starting my studies, …will start in May isA (HR certificate).
Good … not so many things, there is a room for going out and enjoying the long weekend.

About weekends, last Friday we were supposed to go out for coffee, the three of us Engy, Soha and myself, Engy couldn’t make it. So it was just Soha and me.
We went to Beanos Café and sat indoors as it was really hot and dusty that day.
We had our coffee and while looking through the window,… it suddenly began to rain.
We left the café and spent like an hour strolling down El Korba street in the rain, it was amazing. I haven’t walked like that in ages. Although the weather got colder and I wasn’t prepared for it… but it was so much enjoyable.
I bet all Heliopolis residents have memories in El Korba and special appreciation, we kept remembering these memories and laughing ,,,it was great.

I have a feeling that today is Thursday, don’t know why… I am hyperactive, and want to do a lot of things and can’t wait to do them… weird !
May be because I am not busy and has nothing else to think about? fara3′ yani.

Update: new photos (here)

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Oh here we go again, It’s Sundays, …the first working day in the week, normally I am sleepy, and looking forward to the weekend already.
For no specific reason I am so hungry today, no wait there could be a reason … I am anxious about the launch event …will I go or won’t I. Am afraid I might not have the option of saying no.
Back to eating, normally when I decide to eat at work my routine meal is oats with milk, my colleagues keep asking me what am I eating, saying it’s babies’ food, I don’t care.. it’s nutritious, good for me, tasty and easy 🙂 . Or it can be substituted with biscuits or kit kats.
When my manager isn’t there we usually celebrate and order food, my favorite is Lebanese food …mana2eesh for instance with thyme and labna, salad from spectra …or for a change junk food (burger and stuff)…that’s very rare.
Today is different; I want to eat things that can never be eaten at work…NEVER!
Keep thinking about…foul (beans) with butter and cumin, white cheese with olive oil, tomatoes and green pepper, brown bread (balady). Or feteer (Egyptian pies), honey, white cheese (Istamboli).
Casper and Gambini has already opened in City Start… it’s now so far for me. I remember when we used to go have breakfast when I was working at (P)- my ex employer.
Anyhow, will get realistic, order a couple of croissants (one with almonds and the other with Chocolate) and have a cup of coffee.


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6th October City

I joined the banks almost five months ago and I am still trying to adapt, there is something that concerns me for the time being which is the move; the bank’s head quarter will be moved to 6th October City and I don’t know when.
Being a Heliopolis resident who struggles every single day because of the traffic and the long drive to reach Giza and suffers from back pain in the weekends as a result of the long time I spend sitting in the car. All that would make me really worried about the move.

The strange thing is that recently all the job offers I received, the companies were all located in 6th Oct. I used to say no without thinking till I started to believe that all the good companies are located there and I just have to ask if there provide a bus or any decent mean of transportation
There were exactly two offers that I thought about, one of them was a helping offer rather than a job offer and it was from a sweet blogger friend, she knew I was looking for a job so she told me she can talk to the management and ask. That was extremely nice of her. I just feared the distance and I didn’t think I am determined enough to put her in this position then say, sorry I won’t be able to come, it’s too far form me.

Another one was from the Operations Manager of a big company who got my CV from a recruitment agency. He called me yesterday and we agreed to have the interview today, I asked where is the company located, the answer was Beverly Hills – 6th October. (I got disappointed but said ok as he told me there will be a bus from El Thawra street in Heliopolis).

I went to the pick up point but didn’t find the bus, I called a lady that the ops manager gave me her number in case of emergency. It ed turned out that she didn’t know they should have stopped for me.
I called him and he apologized and then asked me if I can make it to Lebanon Sq in Mohandessin as there will be another bus at 9am. I reached Mohandessin at 9:20 so again I missed the ride. He told me that he is already in Mohandessin so that we can meet and I can follow him by my car to 6th October or go with him. I wasn’t comfortable and decided never to consider any offer from a company that I can’t reach on my own.

Anyway, I reached Mohandessin and called him, he asked “how will I know you”, felt awful as if it was a blind date… oufff. Told him I am driving a red Fiat Palio.
I was thinking that I don’t want to follow him to 6th Oct, he might be speedy and I might lose my way at the same time I don’t want to go with a stranger in his car to a place I have never been to.
He came up with an idea to have the interview at a café, I said ok, I didn’t have much of a choice.

The interview went well, but he told me he is not sure about the CEO’s position towards the veil (Hijab). However he doesn’t have a problem at all and he would recommend me. it took about 30 or 40 minutes, then he apologized again for the bus incident and said the usual things “it has been a pleasure ,bla, bla, bla … I will ask the CEO as I told you and in case it didn’t work out, please you have my number … you can call me on friendly basis”.

In my way home, I didn’t know exactly where I was in Mohandessin and since I have a poor or actually zero sense of direction and I always hang out in Heliopolis and Nasr City I found myself in places I have never seen before, (Kobry el sa7el, Rod el Farag, el Mezalat)… thank god I am home safe… Phewwwwwwwwww!

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Yesterday, I arrived at the office and as per my daily routine I asked for my Coffee, instead I found the office boy getting me tea…. may be he forgot. I drank the tea and hours later I asked again for a Nescafe, he forgot again but this time he didn’t get me anything.

Today, I decided to get my coffee with me, I passed by “On the run” and ordered a medium cappuccino, when I saw the cup I regretted not asking for a large one, it was too small for me. So I ordered another large one.
I drank the large one and looked for anybody in the office to give him/her the other before it gets cold but everyone arrived late today so I ended up drinking them both.

Minutes ago the office boy he proactively decided to get me coffee.
I told him, thanks but I didn’t ask for it….he replied, but you didn’t order anything today, I even thought you didn’t come. Don’t you want it? Didn’t want to be mean, he already made it, … I told him, no I want it… thanks.

It’s funny yesterday, I was dying for a cup of coffee and today, I drank like a liter.
I am getting more and more alert, edgy and my stomach hurts.

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What a week!

It was a draining week, despite the fact that it was peaceful at work since my boss is traveling. But on the personal front it wasn’t.
I wasn’t feeling well since Monday, just ignored it and carried on.
On Tuesday something really made me sad, but this is life and everything should be expected.
Anyhow, yesterday was valentine’s, got up to find a message from Engy saying “single bells, single bells … ” hilarious, isn’t it.
Still being single on valentine’s can be fun too, have you heard about “singles parties” it was this year’s trend. Seems there were a lot of singles who decided to revolt and enjoy.
I was invited to another kind of party; it was my cousin’s katb ketab celebration (she got married yesterday). I missed the official part at the mosque, but went to the party at her place, it was so much fun although I was too exhausted, I tried my best just to look ok, and still my grand mother kept telling me that I lost so much weight, I got used to hearing that, I believe I can weigh like 50 kilos now. Don’t care…
Apart from that we laughed and danced, it was so beautiful.
Went home and decided to turn my mobile off and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Got up today at 11:30, stayed home and surrendered finally to the flu.
I am so tired, cold with a headache and a running nose, kept resisting but then totally collapsed.

Note: this word does hurt please be wise using it “REGRET”.

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I began to appreciate weekends more and more at my current work, may because the week days became draining because of the new environment and culture not to mention the long drive.
The thing is I still can’t judge, I have been working there for more than a month and till now I haven’t worked yet at the department I have been hired to work at.
My temporary job is giving me a hard time and it’s mostly because I don’t like him as a person. He doesn’t treat people well and I don’t mean myself but other … I saw him talk badly about colleagues and it hurt me.
I don’t feel secure at that bank. I feel I am a fresh grad that is still figuring out the work life. As if seven years have been dropped. How come I am 28 and I still feel that, although I have the experience and exposure and yet .. .I feel like a kid at a new school.
I decided to look for another job though and I even went to that employment fair last Sunday. I submitted my CV to most of the companies there and then I went and sat with my colleagues at the bank as the bank was present there too.
I tried to help out as there were many people , I asked Dalia what should I do …she told me take the CVs and ask the candidates which department or field they are interested in and write it on their resumes. I did that and I don’t know why I was happy doing that … till she said, whenever the candidate doesn’t look or sound like high profile caliber, write X on his/her CV so we drop it. I tried to do that but it was so hard to know that this simple X would deprive someone from an opportunity he might be in need of. I hate being judgmental and I hate rejection although I am mature enough to know that this candidate might not fit a position in the bank but can truly fir elsewhere. There are qualifications that have to be met and it’s not anyone’s fault.
That day was so exhausting, in my way back home alone in my car, I was driving so fast, it was night and cold … I discovered that I was enjoying it.
The rest of the week hasn’t had anything significant after that other than when I fell on the stairs at work, I hurt my knee but I managed to drive home with my legs trembling.
Thursday was the best as usual, went out with my friends, ate and talked … that was so rewarding. And another piece of a soooooo rewarding thing for me … SHOPPED yesterday… that was so much fun.
Again about work: I can’t get rid of this idea that I went to work at that bank for a particular reason and I won’t be there for long :S (just a feeling).

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It’s the last working day of the week and oh god I am sooooooooooo drained, effortless, wordless, motionless, thoughtless… ( I know it doesn’t make sense but I am everything that is ….less).

Crazy thought (took that from my very dear friend Engy)
I want to get married, quit working and become a house wife, so a single decent, religious, funny, responsible, height 175 and up, green, hazel, blue or grey eyes guy who is searching for a perfect bride (I can’t be perfect , I am Gemini and it’s a problem of its own) 😀 … but I am here.

Note: Quoting Engy is really fun. I can’t stop laughing while looking at her original post and customize it to my requirements. Just like spending time and hanging out with her and Soha… I am missing you girls.

For the record: Top comedians: Soha and Engy together, Nemeen (my sister) watching comedy shows on TV, my Dad when he starts laughing and my mom when things go wrong …. My list doesn’t end like that there are more but enough for now, I have to get back to work 😀

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I am sorry … you are that sick
I am sorry … I never told you how much I love you
I am sorry … I never thanked you enough for your attention and care
I am sorry … I got busy with work and I spent days without even calling you
I am sorry … you were very near to me when I was young and when I got older I got farther
I am sorry … we all know you are in danger and you don’t
I am sorry … I knew how scared you are and I never said a word, now I am really scared

Please God make her get better and give me a second chance.

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1- Enter my office and find a bunch of flowers and cheese cake J.
2- Make someone’s day, only wish to know how.
3- Know that my boss won’t come, and I finish all my pending stuff quietly.
4- Being recognized and appreciation for my work.
5- Feel distinctive.
6- Help someone.
7- Getting help when I need it without having to ask for it.
8- Waking up and realize it’s a holiday J
9- Nice breakfast with colleagues, not alone in “on the run” L.
10- When it’s Thursday and I know I am going out with my friends or going to the movies.

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When I was a teen I so wanted to find out one day that I have a secret admirer. Yes a typical secret admirer like the ones in movies; writes me letters, sends me flowers, follows me wherever I go without me noticing. I don’t know why…
May be because back then I wasn’t ready for a real face to face confrontation and there wasn’t anyone special that I used to think of.
Heard once a story from a relative, that happened so many years ago before I was even born. She was young and used to find every morning in her balcony Chiclets packs and candy. She didn’t know where do they come from. She tried to know till she noticed that there is a guy lives in the opposite building follows her everyday to school, gets on the same public transportation she uses , then leaves and comes back again to follows her all the way to her home at the end of the day without making any moves or any attempt to speak, as if he was just guarding her. He never said a word, he just kept throwing candy in her balcony and guarding her silently and very politely.
I do remember also that when I was in college, a friend of mine used to have a crush on a guy thought one day to bring him a rose and put it in his empty mug in the cupboard. But she changed her mind after that, fearing she might be caught in the kitchenette doing that.
To tell you the truth now I am not sure if I would like to have a secret admirer like I used to think. I believe I will freak out…
That’s how we change over the years, now the picture of someone doing that is he is childish, immature, pathetic or may be a psycho.
For me admiration is wider and broader than the context it’s always exist in. it’s not only for the ones we have feelings for. I do admire nature and I do admire a lot of people …I admire their points of view, manners, culture, attitudes and principles.
Admiration does restrain a great deal of respect.
As for being a secret admirer myself, I have difficulty showing my feelings to special ones. On the contrary when I am friendly, spontaneous and nice to someone that means he is no more than a brother but if he is more than that I am a real disaster.
Unintentionally I tend to hide and avoid him … it scares me, that was mostly what I used to do with (M). Of course he didn’t understand but he truly was and will ALWAYS be the one that I admired and respected the most.
When I first started this blog, I used to write posts as if they were real messages in the bottle and threw them in the sea … starting Dear … and I wasn’t really sure whom I am addressing them to. But I was trying to have a conversation with someone secretly hiding somewhere ( may be M) and hoped he would find my messages and comes for rescue. but he never come and I quit sending the messages.

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Below is the original post about the nice outing.
I am glad I had the opportunity to be there.


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What do I know to anticipate that something will go wrong, try to avoid a person or skip an event. I have learned today that being out there and facing what is meant to be encountered is just much fulfilling and comforting.
Worst case scenario, when things don’t go the way we wished to , we only get to live it once, dump the bitter part of the bad memory/incident, keep the part where the lesson was and just move on. On the contrary, trying to maneuver and escape the piece that is expected to be undesirable will only consume our brains and feelings, the negative assumptions and phobic thoughts will just take over for good as we never get a closure to this subject except that we think it’s over but you never know. It’s a small world and what was avoided can just emerge when it’s least expected not to mention the good unexpected twist that could have been missed.

In short I went to my farewell gathering tonight, it was surprisingly beautiful. Everyone was so nice, warm and concerned. Now I can say there is really no hard feelings, every negative thought I used to have, has totally been wiped off.
I am really so relieved to have the chance to have a wonderful closure. And walk away with such an exhilarating experience.

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