Body Talk

Two months ago, if you have asked me what was my coworker’s shirt color.
I would have said.., I don’t know, what was it… blue ? :S
This is just a simple example of how a bad observer I used to be.
Moreover, I would have said, I don’t care. It’s none of my business and I don’t judge people based on how they dress …

I haven’t changed my opinion by the way, but I have changed my outlook…
Have started reading about body language and reading people… (Haven’t bought books yet, just surfed the internet and read so many articles).

I heard at work an HR specialist once saying … I read people.
She mentioned something about a colleague and later on it has been proved right. May be it was one lucky guess? … may be. But still the fact that paying more attention to what people say and most importantly how they say it, can pretty much reveal what they mean and who they are.

We all have the gift, a sixth sense kind of thing that sometimes warns us upon meeting specific people that, they are not what they seem.
It can’t be described; it’s just a feeling that you are not comfortable.

The same gift makes us know when someone is lying.,, from the eyes, tone of voice, how nervous or cold that someone is, how consistent is the story being told.
And can also tell him/her that you are not buying it without saying a word.

However, some people are hard to read.. real bad people; of course because they are well trained, in full control of their body language .. they are not transparent.
Flirts/womanizers are somehow hard to read, it’s funny because you can easily tell they are interested but yet you can never tell if they are sincere. (good news … read them in an encounter with some other girl, watch the show and laugh out loud 😀 )

So it’s not always about the physical appearance, it’s what your postures, gestures and eyes are revealing. We just have to pay more attention if we really want to send and receive correct complete messages/ signals to one another.

About physical appearance and grooming, they do reveal things about the personality as well… it’s like a puzzle, so many pieces you put together to get somehow a closer picture (human beings are very complicated).

Have just remembered an advice a colleague once gave me about guys, since I didn’t use to pay attention. She went like “the three thing you MUST look at are: his watch, shoes and hands”. That was hilarious :D, it’s unbelievable how do people judge.

Cheers,

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What doesn’t kill you makes you …?

Stronger, fearless, cautious, daring, courageous, thankful, experienced, wise, alive, empathetic, vulnerable, sensitive, forceful, changeable, … HUMAN.

In a conversation: “Nesrina.. it’s not like you”
My answer,” well I have changed, I don’t fear disappointment like I used to be, I would rather handle one more disappointment than losing another chance”.

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Do you know who you are ???

“Can’t believe I can speak fluent French, am working in a multinational and I am living this life, deep down I feel …am just an ordinary Egyptian peasant with braids like the ones you see in old movies”…. One of my friends once told me that.

So let me ask …
– What do you see when you look at the mirror?

– What do you remember of your childhood dreams about your future?

– How far are you from those dreams”?

– Do the picture you see in the mirror, and the picture your friends as well as strangers perceive about you match?

– Have you even known what do they see in you? Aren’t you curious?

– If you are not living the life you thought you are gonna have, how did you manage to cope?

– Haven’t you ever felt you are standing on a stage playing a role and hoping you get done with it so you can be yourself again?

– And at a point in time, haven’t you ever enjoyed a specific part of the role or the whole acting thing, thought you might be good since everybody believes you?

– Why do we hide the simplest easily attained dreams inside and try to trade them off with the society appealing sophisticated ones?

– Who are we trying to impress or satisfy?

– Or is the real world just so complicated than we thought and it’s the price we pay to belong.

I think it’s crazy yet fun to have those so many faces… the world is a vast space and when you are younger you tend to believe that since your future is ahead, you can be anything and the problem gets harder when you find you can be so many things.

When I was young I wanted to play piano, wanted to become a painter, wanted to become a teacher, wanted to find the love of my life at college and live a normal simple happy life ever after.
Surprise… Surprise I am neither of the above…

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Next Level

What are the criteria for success, how can you say you didn’t fail when you actually aren’t moving.
I am not moving, isn’t that failure? When you accomplish something you should supposedly proceed with the next level.
But what does it mean to do things right and often be thanked or appreciated for them and then nothing else happens. It’s not only about work, it’s about everything …
Is it a trade mill, I am walking and sometimes running and when I look around I find myself at the exact same place.
May be I am the one who doesn’t know how to take things to the next level. May be it’s because I like to be offered things rather than asking for them.
Yes I don’t ask for things but it isn’t out of arrogance, it’s just a decision I took based on a history of disappointments.
I have faith and I will remain thankful to god no matter what. After all may be there are good things that I didn’t have but there are bad things that I didn’t experience either. It’s a package in a way, a balanced timely one.
I still need to learn things and above all, I should be more patient.
Recently I am tending to be reactive, doing things without thinking carefully unlike me and then regret and wonder how can I ever fix it.
May be I should let go a little, should be more flexible and give myself a chance.
May be I should do risky things, may be I should find myself another passion to fill the emptiness in my heart… in my soul. May be I need a push…
Soft, encouraging talks aren’t always the remedy, sometimes you need someone to confront you with your flaws and let you see what others see and never told you about. Shake you harshly to let you open your eyes and realize what is going wrong, leave you to think and may be cry…
There is nothing I know for sure… they are all “MAY BE/s”. I am searching for the steps/levels, bored and tired of the flat corridor and want to get out and see the sun.

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I am alone but not lonely

My colleague who used to share the office with me has resigned. Now the office is all mine and although I will miss her and all , still I am enjoying being alone in the office.
I do enjoy and appreciate a good company, and having a quality time with dear family members, good friends and interesting people.
People whom I can relate to, benefit or benefit from, share with them thoughts and opinions. Listen and talk and feel secure and warm just by being with them.

It’s always about the quality of people not the quantity, I have never had a large number of friends but I have always been blessed with wonderful ones.
I don’t feel comfortable at all in parties, events or large outings, I can’t even talk in the presence of more than five people. It’s not because I am shy or I have nothing to say … I am shy it’s not the reason. The reason is and I am talking about us loud Egyptians, normally you find one of these patterns:

1- Someone starts talking about himself/herself the whole time without giving anyone the chance to say anything other than commenting with two or three words.
2- Someone who plays the role of the funny guy or girl telling jokes and makes fun of people who might be or might not be present.
3- People who talks about something I don’t have enough knowledge about, so I would better listen and benefit rather than interrupting for no reason.
4- People talking about topics that I am not really interested in. So instead of acting like a hypocrite, why don’t I just act politely, smile and leave to have a better use of my time.
5- Talking in public about family or personal matters that I wouldn’t feel comfortable intruding in.

I believe I can’t be regarded as a sociable person, I am more of a calm, introverted kind,
I value people as well as the silent moments and they don’t intimidate me.

I can sit with someone and feel content with just the energy spread from his intellect, charisma or warmth with very few words said but mattered rather than a violent evening of loud voices, hysterical laughs, and phones ringing.

Loneliness has nothing to do with having someone in your room/office or not, it’s having no one in your heart… that’s loneliness. So I thank god I am not lonely.

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The last and never found piece

The last and never found piece

Puzzle is one of my favorite games, I see some similarity putting the pieces together to form one picture and getting to know someone.

In the sense that some people are easy to comprehend and have a full picture of who they are and others who have like thousand pieces that you might not have neither the time nor the effort to see what they will turn out to be in the end.

The most difficult kinds of that human puzzles are those ones in disguise, yes, they look and act something that they are not. So whenever you grab a piece and put it where it should belong, you surprisingly see that it fits but the picture doesn’t match.., it gets more and more distorted and you get confused with it.

It’s very common to know someone only from the phone or emails, at work for instance when dealing with some other branches in may be other countries.

Or knowing people from their writings; reading their thoughts and ideas in their blogs, still it’s just one side, the other sides will always remain unknown.
Even more the revealed side might be hidden in reality and that’s why the only place for it to get liberated is expressing it in writing.

The common mistakes usually are, forgetting the main objective of collecting the pieces… that is to see the picture, just to know what it’s like not to assess or judge it. We all overlook that fact to the extent that we often try to interfere with the picture and try to change it.
Another thing, there will always be missing pieces, no one knows the whole truth but Allah.

In the end, life is a place where we are supposed to work to earn, plant to eat, and think to understand.

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Directions

There are key milestones in everyone’s life, … specific incidents, events, accidents and sometimes miracles.
But haven’t you ever stopped and wondered about their perfection, that set of well designed steps occurring one after the other in a particular timing and order with people selectively involved or may be not, things that wouldn’t normally happen and would never happen again …all are leading to just one thing.

It is god’s plan that no one can interfere in, allow or prevent any of it … and yet the choices are always available and so are directions.
The directions are the boundaries that we are living within, … the boundaries that get broader and wider as we get older, see more, read more, with experience, education, …

And there are also SIGNS, that aren’t tangible, very relative and controversial too.
To be frank, I think there are signs.
Explaining them using logic … if you agree with me that certain incidents do occur based on a series of actions or steps. Then seeing one of them and anticipating the another would get you close. It’s again subject to one’s experience may be or forecasting.

Within the spiritual range there comes intuition; having a bad feeling about something or someone and without even figuring out why and then you discover you were right.
Another aspect, seeing things in one’s dreams before they actually happen. (called in Islam Ro2ya “vision”)

However, getting drifted after the signs may sometimes create illusions, just like thirst can make you go after a mirage, the anxiety and the need to find a direction creates fake signs.
The worst part is when they are used as excuses, “I can’t go to work, I have that strange feeling …. ” signs and fate do work in parallel, so there are nothing to run away from.

Signs are signs, you are going fishing, you prepare yourself, go have a look at the weather’s forecast and sea condition (these are the two indicators “signs”), if they are okay, go ahead… it’s not a guarantee that things will go well but you are jeopardizing your safety ignoring them.

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Warm

“One kind word can warm three winter months” A Japanese proverb.

I usually feel warm whenever my family or friends are around. A kind of warmth that makes me feel secure and satisfied.

Insensitivity hurts, cold looks or responses can freeze the world around you.
Leaving you trembling and shaking, looking for somewhere to hide and feel safe again.

Loneliness also makes you feel cold; even in mid July, even with people all around you.

There is no such thing as to care about some people and ignore the other. A caring tender heart can’t be choosy, it’s filled with warmth and feelings and it doesn’t release them upon a request, it just radiates them wherever it goes.

Think about it what we will lose if we let go of the warmth we have inside us.
It’s so simple, just be sincere and try to connect with everyone around, feel them, they might be cold as well and a simple word, a gentle look, a pat on the back, or even a smile can turn their winter into a wonderful colorful spring.

Is that so hard? Just think before you talk, do something special for someone without asking if he deserves it or not, listen and remember this world is not just about you, give chances and be forgiving, think of what you need and didn’t get and try to make it up by giving someone else what you know he wanted. It’s a cure for the soul and a relief for the heart. Be thankful and have faith and ask whoever you trust what do they see and you don’t, view things from other angles and put yourself in others’ shoes, say sorry, repent, try to be the good you the one you think you no longer are. … I wish I could do that too.

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Dancing Queen

“You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourineYou can dance,
you can jive, having the time of your lifeSee that girl, watch that scene, … “

Deep inside I am just that girl, can’t really tell how different am I now than when I was seventeen, it has been eleven years … but I can’t feel them.
If age is what you feel, I am definitely not 28 or let me say 29, …

I am not afraid of being old, I do respect and appreciate older or senior people, they are wiser, more mature, more experienced, … years carry with them pearls and jewels and whenever a year passes, it leaves you with one of them till you have a whole tiara like the one that grand parents have.

And it’s not only I don’t feel my age, I guess don’t look my age too. I didn’t realize that till I got that new job and during the phase of getting acquainted with my new colleagues.
It didn’t bother me a all hearing the same comment that ” no way you look younger” till it started to be challenging with superiors, with them explaining and elaborating things for me as if it’s my first time to be asked about specific tasks and then their surprise having the tasks done. It’s manageable after all, and it doesn’t harm to have a fresh look on one’s image every once in a while.

I was never a foolish child; never got myself or anyone into trouble, have been the one who listens and tries to understand since I was young. So may be that’s why I don’t feel any difference.

Another thing, if you measure something there must be a scale… so assuming that the range is the lifetime and since no one knows at what age will it end … so, you can’t say from a scale 1 to 70 or 80 I am middle aged or not because may be I won’t reach 70 or even the next day.

I saw a program the other day on TV asking celebrities where would they like to be in 10 years, and the answer that really touches me was “to be alive”. Yes we take our lives for granted instead of seeing it as a gift.

My advice is, embrace your lives, appreciate each day, make a difference and always remember it’s a journey that will end one day so it’s better you leave something of value behind and get reward for it.

I know that wouldn’t ryme but I don’t care 😀

“I am a dancing queen, young and sweet only 28 :)”

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Adjusting

I began to appreciate weekends more and more at my current work, may because the week days became draining because of the new environment and culture not to mention the long drive.
The thing is I still can’t judge, I have been working there for more than a month and till now I haven’t worked yet at the department I have been hired to work at.
My temporary job is giving me a hard time and it’s mostly because I don’t like him as a person. He doesn’t treat people well and I don’t mean myself but other … I saw him talk badly about colleagues and it hurt me.
I don’t feel secure at that bank. I feel I am a fresh grad that is still figuring out the work life. As if seven years have been dropped. How come I am 28 and I still feel that, although I have the experience and exposure and yet .. .I feel like a kid at a new school.
I decided to look for another job though and I even went to that employment fair last Sunday. I submitted my CV to most of the companies there and then I went and sat with my colleagues at the bank as the bank was present there too.
I tried to help out as there were many people , I asked Dalia what should I do …she told me take the CVs and ask the candidates which department or field they are interested in and write it on their resumes. I did that and I don’t know why I was happy doing that … till she said, whenever the candidate doesn’t look or sound like high profile caliber, write X on his/her CV so we drop it. I tried to do that but it was so hard to know that this simple X would deprive someone from an opportunity he might be in need of. I hate being judgmental and I hate rejection although I am mature enough to know that this candidate might not fit a position in the bank but can truly fir elsewhere. There are qualifications that have to be met and it’s not anyone’s fault.
That day was so exhausting, in my way back home alone in my car, I was driving so fast, it was night and cold … I discovered that I was enjoying it.
The rest of the week hasn’t had anything significant after that other than when I fell on the stairs at work, I hurt my knee but I managed to drive home with my legs trembling.
Thursday was the best as usual, went out with my friends, ate and talked … that was so rewarding. And another piece of a soooooo rewarding thing for me … SHOPPED yesterday… that was so much fun.
Again about work: I can’t get rid of this idea that I went to work at that bank for a particular reason and I won’t be there for long :S (just a feeling).

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The shattered pieces

“Nothing remains the same” it doesn’t make it any easier accepting the fact of having something and the next day it’s gone.

Whether it’s a person or something that meant so much to you one day, a street you used to walk in your way home, certain feelings, gatherings, or years loaded with pieces of the young you that you no longer are.

Why bother going to the same places now, faking the same situations and talks … everything has changed, …. you have changed.

Why looking for the people you miss in others’ eyes, they are different … even if you think you saw the one you miss… he is just inside your heart and eyes and it’s only a reflection…longing feeling are so sweetly possessing, you know you are captured and yet you can’t set yourself free because the heavenly prison is painted with memories.

Can’t we endure the idea of being apart both physically and emotionally? There must be a reason that by time we leave dear ones and meaningful things behind or they leave us.

May be we don’t have to insist of having another encounter with the past and just move on.

There is no coincidence, it’s a perfect arrangement of place, people, timing ….
So when one of these factors change the result won’t be the one you supposed you have lived before.

The difference between missing and losing is hope.

So what was left behind and the shattered pieced you have been looking for may be better missed that lost.

I believe in fate and I know things happen for a reason, and the hollow parts resulting from the shattered peices are better be filled with the appreciation for the ones and things we still have.

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Is that Fair ???

Again… it’s not that I am a Muslim or an Arab, It’s about humanity.

(World Horrified by Beit Hanun Massacre )

(Israel hits fighter’s house in Gaza)

I can’t even comment on that, I do also know that no one wants to hear and endure the fact that … . We are doomed to live furious, heart ached and MUTE or else we are SHUSHED.

Aren’t we ??? But on what cost …

Palestinian healthcare under siege

Quote:
“I have no mercy or compassion in me for a society that will crush people, and then penalize them for not being able to stand up under the weight. ” Malcom X

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Bitter Sweet Memories

A warm breeze, a lovely old scent, a soft enchanting song,
Visions in sepia colors yet so charming and colorful, voices and echoes that tremble the heart, suddenly a surf from the deep comes and splashes the shore.

If we are not meant to see our future in advance, shouldn’t we cherish what we have seen. Ironically, it’s difficult to handle.

Bad memories are hard but good ones are harder, the sweet memories that become bitter because they have passed, because of the years.

Time leaves its traces and shades just like the ones on the pages of an old book.
The people that we wonder will we ever see again. The photos of the places that still exist yet they are never the same.

These memories are carved deep in the soul, covered with the daily activities, future plans, problems and so many things we indulge ourselves in.
And the moment we decide to sit back and relax a little, they come, black you out, stops the time and attack like a tornado scatters the present like the dust that covers an old book. The carved memories became exposed and aches in an enjoyable way.

Only one thing gives them the lovable taste again the fact that they were once sweet and HOPE.

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If you are mature, don’t judge "Update"

Many thanks my friends for your valuable opinion and insights, I do think too that Maturity has a lot to do with responsibility…
A highlight from Wikipedia confirmed what we had in mind about responsibility.. .it’s related to actions and their consequences.
So in this sense being mature is not only how we are prepared to anticipate, face and then bare the consequences of what we do. but also it’s being responsible about the ACTION first that will have all these followings.
For me … being understanding is mature, controlling one’s anger is mature, picking the right words at a debate is matue, giving execuses to others is mature, forgiveness is mature, loving someone unconditionally is mature, saying the truth with no fear is mature, standing up for your beliefs is mature, accepting the differences and deal with them is mature (being open and flexible), listening to the oponents point of view and respect it is mature, ….
As for my answer for the question, Am I mature? No … not always, trying to be though. Thinking of the how it feels when an imature act or word is faced from someone and how dissapointing it can be. So that’s what I am afraid of that I can hurt or let someone down beacause of my ignorance of the situation, selfishness or my unwillngness to have some dicipline upon myself.
As for the judging piece, what provoked me to write this post was a judgemental opinion related to maturity, It struck me How anyone can judge another so easily.
Maturity is neither a quality nor is it about age… it’s a measurement, a degree of how do we handle situations.
Finally, we can’t expect us or anyone else to be always mature or always right … it’s against being human.
Don’t know if I am right on what I said or not, it’s just my thoughts about maturity.

I know it is just not the time to ask such a question but I really want to know how people think of that word “Maturity” who is “Mature” and who isn’t.
I won’t start and say what my definition to a “Mature” person is. (Will update this post and add my opinion).
But I will very much appreciate to hear what do you think..
Why would you call yourself or any other person “Mature”, how can you judge, what is the criteria.
BTW, I do believe that there is a child inside every one of us who needs care, tenderness, love, security and protection and yet that doesn’t affect her/his maturity.
Don’t you agree ???

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Taking is all about giving

What I am about to say is not new, it is said all the time but I felt it immensely in my last day at work…. last Thursday.
Won’t go through this day’s details , really can’t… it was very emotional for me and I don’t want to recall it.
So let’s stick to the basic observation:
Look at us … the fact that we are different from each other enables us to exchange and trade what we have/own to get what we can’t have on our own.
Emotionally, it’s so much different, what you give is what you get, nothing else.
I used to complain and whine about being treated by the people I work with like a machine and not a human being, why are they that cold. And how come people from other departments are warmer and nicer to me. My friends are from other departments. Never thought about the meaning of that and to be honest …was always looking at them, looking at what I am getting and skipping the part of what did I give.
From day one I was keeping distances and building barriers, I was never ever myself with them. There were always me at work and me at the real life… what am I schizophrenic?.
I was always in control, treating them in a very formal way, kinda felt that it’s more professional to act that way. It used to work so well with my superiors. They used to appreciate me for it., but may be I got too far with it..That’s what I have given them till my last day.
On the other hand, I was more friendly with people outside my department… as long as they are not directly impacted from my work, it’s ok to open my heart and be myself.
So there were always two commodities I used to offer: work and care. Work was being rendered to the people I report to. Care and respect to anyone else.
Another factor being shy and not loud may be hindered my feelings to reach everyone.
To cut the long story short, my boss was so nice that day but my pears were acting as if nothing is going on.
I understand that some people are capable of separating their feelings from work. But I personally don’t like such a way so how come I deliberately I act like one.
Custodians, security guards, my very dear friends, and even people I didn’t expect, from the agencies, our company in Dubai, AY … they were so sweet and seemed sad saying goodbye.
It was so overwhelming to have them ask if I am going to change my phone number, urging to stay in touch, saying we will miss you, their wishes and prayers. meant a lot to me… really did.
Believe it or not I left the department so silently, just wrote them an email and disappeared. Have to admit that may be I was harsh again as they are not all that cold. And they were preparing for a farewell dinner for me and another colleague who is leaving too next week but that’s what I did. At night during that day (I) called and asked why did you leave so suddenly, we were surprised I told him it’s because of T and S mainly. He continued I will arrange for a friendlier outing. Felt much more comfortable and learned that chapter’s lesson. Next time I want to receive more attention and care …I just have to give it first.

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